Pretty Boy Haven
by Sayonara Solitaire
Summary: AU. I chased after a boy once — in spirit, but I tripped — with style, and realized — somewhat not at all, that these once upon a time romances weren't for me — ABSOLUTE DENIAL. "I fell." I SWORE I heard Sasuke rolled his eyes. SASUSAKU. SAKUCENTRIC.
1. Prologue

(**z**)(**e**)(**r**)(**o**)

_It all started when I turned 18._

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**STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED.  
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"_Daddy! Daddy!"_

Bright green eyes flooded with transparent droplets as the aforementioned did not appear no matter how many times she pleaded.

"_Daddy! Where are you?! Answer me!"_

_Sniff. Sniff. _

She hastily swiped her hand across her nose, insistent in finding her daddy.

"Sakura…"

She instantly froze, short pigtails twisting clockwise to face the caller.

Long wavy pink hair cascaded down the woman's shoulders, amber eyes dull as stone but she still tried to attempt a smile even though it was obviously fake, even to a six-year old.

"Mommy…"

Hana approached her gently, crouching on her knees before oh so slowly…wrapped her arms delicately around her daughter. So carefully, she thought she would break her if she didn't do it so cautiously. Sakura returned the hug, feeling the warmth radiating off her mother.

"Oh, Sakura…" Her voice came out as a sob.

Sakura tried to contain her tears the best she could but it was _so_ hard. It was _so_ hard. Her beloved daddy was gone and nowhere to be found. At first, she thought he went out for a daily stroll but he never came back.

He was gone.

_Gone._

It's been _so_ long.

**Four **days has passed by and he never once returned.

Her daddy might've gotten lost and needed time to find his way back.

Eventually, **two **weeks has passed.

She made lost daddy signs and posted them all around the neighborhood, she even used her _new_ pack of **Crayola** crayons!

**A month.**

Sakura waited, she waited patiently by the doorstep every night.

**Two** years.

She continued to believe. He'll come back; he just had a few errands to do first.

_He's not coming back._

**Four** years.

A twinkle of a shooting star. "_I wish daddy can return home soon."_

_He's not coming back._

**Six** years.

Her mother gazed at her quietly, eyes showing undeniable pain as she watched her only daughter run around to and fro the police station everyday after school to look for a man who's never coming back.

**Eight.**

Hope was diminishing piece by piece.

_He's not coming back._

**Ten **years and the truth;

"_Sakura…your father cheated on me with his coworker and they fled together."_

**Eleven** years and bitterness;

He's _never_ coming back.

And finally…

**Twelve** years.

Her father could burn in hell for all she cared.

**x**

**x**

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**S** n o w **P** i n k

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**x**

**x**

I've always thought that my life would be perfect. A nice home, a nice car, a nice family, a fun and loving father, a kind and caring mother and myself; young, bright and naive.

Bad things would never happen to me, they only appear on _television_. They're not real. Real life isn't like that all.

I was right for the most part because…

Reality was much, _much_ more worse.

Twelve years ago…

That one spring day…

Was when everything fell apart.

I never would've dreamed it would happen to me because my life was _supposed_ to be warm, soothing and a place of paradise. My family would be together with me, _always_.

But that was when Murphy's Law took effect.

**Whatever can go wrong will go wrong.**

Or

**Whatever can go wrong will go wrong and at the **_**worst possible time**_** and in the **_**worst possible way**_**.**

I would go with the latter statement because my father decided to run off with his pretty, pretty whore to a place far, far away the night right before my birthday. Hmm, joy.

My mother and I never really gotten over it seeing as we burned every possession he left in our very comfortable two-story home. We watched all the items burn into nothing but ashes.

But in my heart, I always hoped…that maybe…

One day…

_Someday_…

He'll come back.

But my hope is crushed so screw it.

I can't say I hate my life but I don't really enjoy it either. You will always see some people going all, "Ugh. I wish I could just die already. This is _so_ boring." But when they actually get an opportunity to offer up their last breath, they immediately scurry off to god knows where while wetting their pants. Hypocrites.

But life's funny like that.

One word to describe my life would be bittersweet. And I never hope for anything more because I'm afraid…one day, it'll all disappear. Murphy's Law is frightening that way.

Honestly, who would've known my peaceful life could be disturbed just because my stupid ass father decided he couldn't satisfy his sexual hunger on mother and decided his coworker was better?

I honestly didn't.

It sounds so cliché but it's true. I rather have it another way but I guess things couldn't be helped.

Ugh, I hate men.

Sometimes I actually wished I were a fly. Floating around so carefree, buzzing whenever I want, when I want, nothing to worry about at all. Of course, there's always the risk of the homo-sapiens species trying to whack you death and you won't have the advantages of an actual human being, no pleasure in stuffing yourself with McChicken Burger at McDonalds and you need to shave like…every hour. Having a lot of eyes also increases the chance of getting eye cancer. Black is _so_ yesterday too.

Okay, maybe I don't want to be a fly. But I sure don't really want to be myself right now.

I mean, who the hell wants to have two-inches pass the shoulder pink hair, slightly tanned skin and the deepest viridian eyes that'll make Mother Nature proud?

Sure, the fan clubs were cool during the first few weeks. I never really gotten that much attention before since all the neighborhood kids found it a fun pastime to make fun of my _normal_ size forehead.

And the constant flashes outside my bedroom window were just plain _lovely_.

Oh sarcasm, I love you so.

I never thought the repetitive asking for dates could get so annoying. The nonstop singing from my ring tone of my cell phone made me officially hate _The Jonas Brothers_. But Joe is still a fine example of the human specimen.

The last straw was when a few pedophiles chased me down an alley one night while I was getting off my shift at Hollister. I had to bust a few karate moves to make them run for their pedophile money.

(Much thanks to _mother_ who made me took Karate classes at the Konoha Community Centre.)

God bless her 40-year old soul.

But that was the day I started sporting these hideous thick, black-framed glasses to scare them off. It's really amazing how a pair of hideous glasses can change one's appearance.

The dark ages finally ended.

Mother thinks I went overboard. That's coming from the woman who changes boyfriends every week for the last three years.

I took the liberty of giving her boy toys— err "boyfriends" a few nicknames named after a few fast food joints though. It's a waste of time to learn their actual names since they'll be gone by Saturday.

If my memory serves me right, I think mother's first "boyfriend" was Wendy's since he reminded me of a hillbilly and was very fond of his pigtails. Yes, _pigtails_. He was gone by Thursday.

Thank god.

Next was Tim Hortons. He didn't have the pigtails mind you, but he did have a nasty habit of consuming only donuts and coffee. Hmm…I wonder when he'll be diagnosed with Diabetes?

The following was KFC, and good lord I spat out my Mountain Dew when I first saw him standing outside our doorstep. PEDOPHILE ALERT! PEDOPHILE ALERT! He _at least_ had to be 80.

Entering mother into therapy fleeted across my mind a couple of times when I saw them swapping spit.

But he was gone by Tuesday, not even a week. I think he got a stroke since he started twitching on our lawn after the breakup.

And of course, there was McDonald's and Dairy Queen. Apparently, mother likes two-timing; dating Diary Queen by day and McDonald's by night. Of course, McDonald's eventually found out the situation and decided to challenge Dairy Queen to a Yugioh duel which might I add, lost _pretty_ badly.

So mother and Dairy Queen continued their relationship but the latter discovered his sexuality through a "That's So Gay" poster and decided to pursue a relationship with White Spot instead.

Mother was very heartbroken…

Okay that's a lie.

Right now, mother is in a relationship with Taco Bell. It seems to be going well since they've been dating for over 2 weeks now.

She's a sweet woman and I guess she's got some skills considering she's gotten so many guys wrapped around her finger. But every time I mentioned Dad, she'll get into a hissy fit and will start throwing things again.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the mother and _she's_ the melodramatic teenager.

But no matter what the circumstances, we stick together like glue. My mother and I depend on each other like a cell depending on its nucleus. We keep each other alive.

Ever since 6, I've moved a total of eight times but now I'm hoping to just settle down.

My _normal_ size forehead does come through for me academically and surprisingly, sports too.

I was instantly inspired after finishing all 178 episodes _and_ the OVA's of Prince Of Tennis.

But things aren't _always_ what they seem.

I _hate_ that saying, seriously.

I tried to do Ryoma's "Samurai Drive" because splitting a tennis ball in half is _just plain_ _cool_.

Well…I broke my wrist.

It hurt like hell.

Anko-sensei told me I was a dumbass.

Good times…

**x**

**x**

"Look out! Look out!"

"_Get out of the way!"_

With a swerve of my foot, I managed to remove myself out of the rampaging motorcycle's path.

I was a molecule away from tripping over.

"Fu—" I stopped myself just in time before saying the oh-I'm-not-worthy-but-saying-it-soothes-me-so word.

It wouldn't be a good idea to brew any trouble before the semester has even started.

Must.

Resist.

Temptation.

Stop thinking.

Plotting diabolical plans are _bad_.

Bad!

I'm guessing I look pretty unstable right now seeing as all the students on campus are giving me "WTF" looks.

Move along, move along I told myself.

I found my way to the college entrance, I put my hand on the cool metal bar. I let myself turn my head backwards once more…

"…"

"…"

_Stop staring, B to the itches!_

I walked down the crowded hallway, pushing pass scowling students.

Some may ask why a poor girl like me is attending a high-ranking college such as Konoha Leaf?

Hmm, I have no idea either. The memory is a bit foggy but I remembered lots of gore, violence and bloodshed.

And studying until my eyes burned like seeing KFC naked.

Oh god.

Bad thought.

_Bad thought._

It was like the battle of the nerds.

Okay, it _was_ The Battle Of The Nerds.

And it was a vicious one too.

I don't know why but during the exams period, I've gotten really bad luck.

Things kept falling from the sky right over my head but fortunately always missing its mark, strange men in black holding baseball bats following me around, lots of people giving me the evil eye, my inbox getting flooded with emails I never really bothered to read.

One time, I could've sworn one of them whispered the words "Hitman" and "Haruno" on their cell phone but it was probably my imagination.

I eventually got first place. But for some reason, the second and third placeholders broke their trophies in half. I have no idea why though, it was really pretty and shiny.

But the first emotion I've felt when I found out I gotten the scholarship was relief.

Mother couldn't provide the enough amounts for me to really attend post-secondary. Our household isn't exactly on the success side financially.

I didn't want her to overwork herself then she already does at her waitress job so I thought…

I might as well fight for the greater good.

Hah, I sound like an activist.

So here I am, the only scholar in a college whose tuition can buy off fifty percent of Wal-Mart's stock.

But it doesn't really matter. It's just one more step towards my goal.

Whatever it takes, I'll turn my dream into reality.

**x**

**x**

I stared at the sign above me.

"Main Office" it said

With a quick nod to myself for reassurance, I pushed opened the doors and went in.

It was more crowded than the hallways but I managed to get my schedule through tight squeezing.

I enrolled as a pre-med college undergraduate so…

Monday's

Anatomy & Physiology: 5:15 p.m. – 8:15 p.m.

Tuesday's

Biostatistics & Epidemiology: 10:00 a.m. – 1:00 p.m.

Advanced Calculus: 3:10 p.m. – 5:10 p.m.

Wednesday's

Introduction to Pharmacology: 2:00 p.m. – 4:00 p.m.

Anatomy & Physiology: 5:15 p.m. – 8:15 p.m.

Thursday's

Biostatistics & Epidemiology: 10:00 a.m. – 1:00 p.m.

Introduction to Pharmacology: 2:00 p.m. – 4:00 p.m.

Friday's

Medical Communications: 12:00 p.m. – 3:30 p.m.

Advanced Calculus: 3:10 p.m. – 5:10 p.m.

I'm really a geek, I'll never admit it but I love Math. That's why I took the stupid Calculus course; the formulas, the variables, and the numerical coefficients, how can you live without getting a dose of math each day? Then again, I'll deny it if you asked me.

After analyzing my schedule, the only thing stopping me from going with the flow was what the black-haired lady "Shizune" labeled her nametag said.

"All the regular dorms are full."

I frowned at this all the while staring at Shizune's lap. _Is that a pig?_

"But I've made other rearrangements for you, Haruno-san."

My upside down smile turned right side up.

"You're actually getting a whole building to yourself in the North wing and it's very close to your classes…"

My smile grew into a grin but it returned to its original frown after the next sentence, "…but you will be rooming with seven other gentlemen."

My eyebrows rose at this.

"Why do they get the whole dorm building to themselves?" I questioned. It was the first thought that popped into my _normal size_ forehead head.

"Well…" Shizune began.

I stared, my mind signaling her to go on. She seems to have caught it.

"…they're _special _cases. They were a big help in providing the…_necessities_ for the college so as a thank you…"

_Go on…_

"We made… _adjustments_ for them." She finished hesitantly, trying to find better words to use.

But all I could hear was, "They're rich snobs who pretty much owns the school with their filthy shit called money so everyone should kiss their ass and lick the floor they walk on instead because they're so-damn-cool, oh did I mention rich?"

Shizune could only smile apologetically.

I sighed in return, "Fine." I muttered. I've made it this far, no dorm filled with filthy rich bastards are going to stop me!

She handed me a key that really reminded me of those ancient keys that can open dungeons, but in this case, it _is_ a dungeon.

Not that I'm sexist but after the thing with Dad, it left a bit of a scar. I can't really put my trust in organisms of the male persuasion nowadays. That explains why I only had one boyfriend in high school and it only lasted a few days.

I probably drove him to the edge due to my constant nagging for him to promise to never leave me.

He broke up with me in a phone call.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel anything toward the breakup, maybe a bit disappointed but excluding that, nothing. Perhaps I didn't like him that much after all.

Yes even the good looks didn't cut it; my nagging must've been pretty bad.

At least I learned something from it.

Never call your boyfriend every 5 minutes a day asking if they were cheating on you. A real turn off.

**x**

**x**

As I made my way through the college campus once more with the dungeon key, I noticed the guys around me undress me with their hearts-filled eyes.

"Perverts." I mumbled under my breath.

Oh yeah, I forgot to put on my horrid glasses and left it in my luggage.

Ugh, I _seriously_ hate men.

I finally reached the north wing and raised my head to stare at the building, my mouth immediately turned agape.

Two girls came out the doors, one frowning and the other crying her head off with black mascara streaming down her chubby cheeks. They sneered at me when they noticed my presence.

I ignored them since I was too distracted by this…_mansion_.

Wow, these guys sure knew how to live. Though, it was a bit smaller than a mansion but since I have no better word to describe it since "house" and "dorm building" wouldn't do, so "mansion" it is.

I slipped my dungeon key into the little keyhole on the mahogany door and pushed it open.

The greeting I got wasn't what I was expecting,

"Hey, new roommate coming in—" I didn't even get a chance to end my sentence with a period before a pie was splashed onto my face.

I dropped the luggage which consisted of a red Puma sackpack that clashed with my pink rolling luggage case. Lunging said items through campus didn't "exactly" create the greatest first impressions.

So far, I've gotten weird looks and hushed whispers with the word, "commoner" very common (no pun intended) among those lowered voices.

I used my backhand to wipe away some of the cream covering my eyes and noticed seven faces, _pretty_ faces I couldn't help but add. I couldn't see their features clearly but I knew, four faces were covered in amusement, two were snickering and one looked like he was…_sleeping_?

My insides were _pissed_ and I think holding it in is making it worse.

_Filthy rich bastards. _

I licked a bit of the white cream smearing my lips.

_Banana._

I sighed, _Correction,_ _filthy rich bastards that enjoys _Banana Cream pie.

**Note to self**_: Add said pie to bonfire list after world domination._

High school seems pretty nostalgic right now.

Ugh, this is _why_ I hate men.

**x**

**x**

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******Author's Note:**

Well, I wasn't going to post this until I rewrote all the chapters but I felt bad. Like, really, really bad.

Decided to rewrite this for many reasons. Must I really explain? There was bad grammar, cramped paragraphs, no flow, lame references, OOC characters and things that made absolutely _no sense_. Some of it probably remains but I'm hoping it's a teeny, weeny, even a molecule better? Much thanks to all the readers that stuck around!

But I hope everyone respects my decision. :)

On another note, I made a story outline-ish! So there won't be any writer's block for a while, hee. Slow progress but still progress.

!** __****K**at.


	2. Chapter One

(**o**)(**n**)(**e**)

_Oh my pretty, pretty boy I **love** you  
Like I never **ever** loved no one before you  
Pretty, **pretty** boy of mine  
Just **tell **me you love me too._

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**STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED.  
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Hey you!

Yes, _you_!

I'm Haruno Sakura, 5'2" in height and 115 in weight. Currently worth 18 years of heartbeats and am one hundred percent Japanese despite the genetic mutation of my hair.

Besides the pink hair and the fan boys, (Facebook is never really the same when you _actually_ have stalkers on it.) I'm also famous for my stubbornness, angriness and obsessiveness.

Yeah, I'm cool like that.

I'm a happy supporter for "D.Gray-Man Pwns All. Yes, your mom too." including "Fellow fan girls sworn by our blood, we will find out which shampoo Kaname uses!" and "Enough with Team Rocket blasting off again!"

By the way, Strawberry Milk Tea is the best thing mankind has _ever_ created.

That also goes for Tiramisus, French Vanilla Cappuccinos, Hershey's Cookies & Cream Chocolates and Skittles.

Gotta _love_ the Skittles.

Spiders scare the crap out of me along with soap operas, Elmo's pet fish and Vanessa Hudgens without her clothes on. Actually, people without their clothes on in general.

My ambitions include world domination or becoming a doctor. And since the former can't be accomplished before I start wearing wrinkles, I'm going with the latter.

Reasons include dying is bad. It's ugly. It's sad. It's so horrifying in so many ways. But I'll save them. I'll get rid of the sorrow and loneliness it brings.

Especially…

The _loneliness_.

_That's_ the worst feeling you can ever get.

Being all alone…

_Someone…_

By yourself…

_Save me…_

And no one else.

_I'm lonely…_

Tick.

Tock.

Tick

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Time seeming to stop.

Silence engulfing your five senses.

_Just like when daddy ran away._

And nothing else.

Whatever it takes,

I'll bring smiles and relief into this world.

_"Sakura, Mommy's going to be at work so you have to take care of yourself okay?"_

"Okay…"

Even though I said that, my mind was begging.

_Don't go._

_Don't go._

_Don't go!_

_Don't leave me mommy._

I'll stop the crying.

_Don't leave me all alone like daddy did._

I'll make sure of that.

Because when something's gone, it's irreversible.

_Don't leave me all alone like _daddy_ did._

The pain is forever existent.

And daddy…

_You made me all alone._

**x**

**x**

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**S** e v e n **P** r e t t y **B** o y s

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**x**

**x**

"A pleasure to meet you too." I said as calmly as possible, bringing all the sarcastic skills I've practiced over the years before me, but it sounded a bit muffled. Hello! Pie in the face, remember?!

Oh life is sweet, really.

Especially when you have a pie stuck to your face and you absolutely _abhor_ bananas to the fruit's very stem.

_These guys are _so _dead._

The smirking and snickering had cease.

The lazy ass with the pineapple head had finally woken up from his dreams and is currently staring at me dryly.

It's either I'm really out of date with hair trends or…that guy _really _needs a haircut.

"Welcome to our dorms, Haruno-san."

I raised a perfectly trimmed eyebrow; a bit surprised that one of them had actually spoken to me civilly. I swear there was going to be an all out pie war.

"Shizune-san had informed us already. We've meet expecting you, Haruno-san."

It was difficult with cream on your sclera but I tried to focus my eyes to the one who spoke.

Alabaster skin.

Charcoal orbs.

Dark flat locks.

And fake smile.

"Whoopee, a pretty girl with jaw muscle problems."

I instantly clamped a hand over my mouth.

_Holy crap. Did I just say that out loud?!_

"Whoops…" I squeaked out.

"…"

A smile was still maintained on her face but I couldn't help but feel the temperature dropping a few degrees.

**Swish of a blizzard.**

_But it's not winter yet!_

The pineapple dude snorted. "He's a man."

Oh...

Oh.

…OH!

That would make much, _much_, more sense.

I thought something was off. His voice was _way_ too low to be a female's.

Then again, I've seen a lot of creepy things in my life. Like that one time where I've mistaken this romance manga for shoujo but it was really _yaoi_, oh my god—

He was still smiling, taking two steps forward.

"I-I'm sorry." I chirped out nervously.

"Oh no, it's okay Haruno-san." He reassured calmly.

My tensed shoulders slackened.

"I guess it couldn't be helped because my face, compared to your ugly one is a thousand times more attractive." His teeth sparkled when he smiled.

A vein pulsed painfully at the top of my _normal sized_ forehead.

He introduced himself with forced politeness and bowed mockingly. "My name's Sai."

I smiled back, my fists unconsciously clenching and unclenching itself. _Calm down, Sakura, calm down. No matter how much you want to bash this pretty boy's face in, it's still a crime and you have _way_ too many witnesses. _

Suddenly, something furry with floppy ears pounced onto me, knocking me over. This is usually the moment where I scream if a tongue didn't start slobbering my face with saliva.

"Ah! Akamaru! Don't eat trash off the floor!"

Trash…?

_Oh, it is _on.

I glared through my uneven vision.

Sharp canine eyes.

Mop of chocolate-brown hair.

Deeply tanned skin.

Pointy-looking fangs. (I think those are teeth.)

And red triangle tattoos.

_A dog boy huh?_

"Tch. Takes one to know one, you zoophile." I snarled back.

He practically dropped Akamaru and glanced back at me blankly.

"…"

"…Zoophile? The heck's that?"

The Lazy Ass slash Pineapple Dude smirked. "Individuals that suffer Zoophilia. Heh."

"..."

"…I'm still lost." Dog boy remarked, clueless eyes searching Lazy Ass slash Pineapple Dude's.

"You're awfully troublesome Kiba." Lazy Ass slash Pineapple Dude complained. "It means you have an sexual attraction to a non-human animal."

"…?"

He yawned sleepily before continuing, "So she's pretty much saying you're in love with your dog."

"I'm _what?!_"

A blur of yellow faded in front of me. A gigantic smile that could stretch a mile was fixed onto a stretched-up face. _Oh, a boy on crack._

"Hi there Sakura-chan!" The boy before me screamed, volume beyond the limit.

"The name's Uzumaki Naruto! It's an honor to meet you!" He stuck his out his hand and shook mines rapidly. I swore my arms were going to pop out of its sockets. A foolish smile was plastered onto his face as he tried to control his laughter. "And I like you! I _so_ agree on Kiba being in love with his dog, ahahahaha…" He started laughing. But I was distracted…

Sakura-_chan? _

_Chan?_

Oh, I'll _chan_ you alright…

It was only then that I took a good look at him.

Cerulean eyes.

Tanned Skin.

Genuine Smile.

Flashy yellow hair.

And a dumb aura.

One word: _bright_.

Oh no, not the bright as in "smart" bright but more like a physical bright. Is it just me or is he _glowing_? Probably just me, I still have the _damn_ pie on my face, remember?

But that was when the door decided to open. With a creak, a boy sporting scruffy red air, sea-foamed eyes surrounded by dark bags from insomnia I noted (my medic skills paying off) walked in. A kanji of love was engraved onto the side of his forehead and he…had no eyebrows.

"Oh my god, an insomniac killer!"

He was about to walk pass me without giving any acknowledgement when he promptly halted in his step.

_I said it out loud again didn't I?_

His sea-foamed gaze fell on mine. _Hee, it reminds me of a panda._

A puzzled look marred my expression when I felt a deadly aura blazing around Panda-kun.

Mother always said my mindless babbling _would_ eventually kill me one day.

_…Why didn't I listen to my mommy?!_

"Ahahaha…Sakura-chan! Why don't you get yourself cleaned up? I'm sure having a pie in your face is very uncomfortable don't you think?" A flash of golden waves appeared in my peripheral vision once more.

But I didn't even bother to reply because I was already in the bathroom.

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

Breakdown.

OH.

MY.

GOD.

WHAT.

THE.

HELL.

WAS.

_THAT?!_

Someone, _please_ tell me I did not did what I just did.

Stupid! Stupid! _Stupid!_

How _stupid_ can I get?!

Oh my god. I made enemies before the semester has even started!

And a pretty, _pretty_ girlie boy and a pretty, _scary_ insomniac killer PLUS a zoophile at that!

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Oh god.

I should get shot.

Oh my stupid god.

How can someone be _so_ retarded?

Oh yeah, _me_.

Someone, shoot me now.

Actually, don't!

Panda-kun'd probably kill me anyway.

So long peaceful college days!

No, wait—

_Wait_ a minute.

Wait _just_ a minute.

Was it _really_ my fault?

I was just _defending_ myself, it was self-protection.

So technically it wasn't _my_ fault right?

Yeah.

So there's no need for me to regret it.

Yeah, that's right.

It was _their _fault.

Those bastards.

_They_ threw the pie first.

Yeah.

It's not _my_ fault at all.

THAT'S WHY MEN SUCK, _PERIOD_.

But I still have to get back out there.

…Crap.

**x**

**x**

After spending almost an hour in the bathroom, I finally got rid of the pie residues.

Just for _hitting_ me with the pie, I'm emptying out all their hair conditioners and bath cleansers.

I got out of the tub, wrapped a pink towel around my small frame all the while grabbing another smaller towel out of my luggage for my soaked hair.

I smiled contently at the empty bottles finding home in the garbage can.

_Take _that_, Filthy Rich Banana Cream-Glaring-Pot-Smoking-Wanted Bastards._

I was about to take out some clothes to put on when the door suddenly slammed open and a dark figure strode in.

I shifted to stare, appalled.

…_How the hell did he open that? _

_I could've sworn I locked the door._

_Oh for the love of god, I'm half naked!_

_And I forgot my glasses—_

Wait—

I stared at him.

He stared at me.

"…"

"…"

No reaction…?

He stood by the doorway unmoving.

I stared at him.

He stared at me.

No reaction.

"…"

"…?"

"We need to talk. Come out to the living room after you're done." And with that, he slammed the door _hard_. The wall hangings beside the door trembled from the force.

Oh, did he just speak?

I stood there dumbfounded, a bit mesmerized.

I think...

I just saw _God._

That's saying a lot because I was starting to prefer manga bishounens over real men. I mean _seriously_, the latter aren't as pretty as the former nowadays.

My mind squealed but my outer was still looking on dumbly. I shook my head to get rid of the dirty thoughts.

Good god, I'm 18! Stop acting like a stupid schoolgirl!

Well technically, I _am_ one but it's still no excuse!

An image of the boy was clearly imprinted in my mind. Spiky raven hair, aristocratic nose, dark, smoldering eyes that you could drown in; the colour of onyx and the most _gorgeous_ face you could ever imagine! His skin tone was so pale.

I curse you photographic memory.

Ahh, maybe he's born with it.

_Maybe it's Maybelline._

I smacked myself for the stupid pun.

His skin was _so_ smooth too.

I shook my head furiously, slapping my face back and forth to rid of the dirty thoughts once more.

Great, now my cheeks hurt.

After realizing what the god, err—boy said before he left, I speedily rummaged through my packed clothing.

Deciding on a baby blue Bebe Sport shirt, with a white V-neck blouse over it and a pair of faded denim capris, I rushed out the door. I felt my damp hair flying across my shoulders.

I stopped though, finally remembering a piece of vital information. I dug through my backpack and exclaimed quietly when I found what I was looking for.

My _fugly_ glasses.

I slid them on and scrambled out into the living room, heaving my luggage so it can sit in front of me.

My pretty "roomies" were all lined up on the sofa,

_Is that leather?_

They were giving me their full attention. It felt a bit unnerving but I kept my cool façade.

My first observation was correct because they were indeed handsome. _Damn men and their prettiness, makes my hatred a whole lot harder. _

_BLAME THE HORMONES! _

_BLAME THE HORMONES!_

"So…what's up?" I started lamely, getting uncomfortable with the glaring. _You would think they would have something so much better to do like bathing in money or something._

"Hey Ugly Hag." Sai waved happily.

Twitch.

"I read in a book that you should give the people around you pet names to create a more comfortable and friendlier atmosphere."

_Ah. An emotionally retarded girlie boy with jaw muscle-problems. Hallelujah._

"As an artist, I feel that you're the perfect example of a lonely woman that will live with ten cats during her sixties in a one-bedroom condo that plays bingo but never wins at the local community center every Sunday."

_And a self-proclaimed artist who apparently finds comfort in others' miseries through verbal exchanges and probably likes Bingo._

"You're cute!" Naruto declared randomly, jumping out of his seat. "You wanna go on a date with me later, Sakura-chan?"

One side of me was muttering, _You're kidding me…right?_

But another side of me was screaming, _Kya! Say yes! Say yes! He is _such _a hottie! Jump him! Jump him now!_

I should really get rid of my alter ego.

"Or do you wanna go a little downtown?" He wiggled his eyebrows. "If you know what I mean…" Offering me a perverted expression.

_Where was I before? Oh yes, I was going to _chan_ him._

Before I could respond, a hand reached out and smacked him.

"Hey—I was going to ask her about ramen!" Naruto shrieked furiously, smacking the arm back.

As my eyes traced the arm back to it's owner, it only left me blushing.

_Kyaa! It's the GOD! _My insides screamed, telling me to tackle him to the floor and rape him on the spot.

Didn't you just tell me to jump the Ramen Pervert On Crack seconds ago?!

His orbs darted toward me. Our visions aligned. My viridian and his onyx, connected.

OVERLOAD!!

Stop staring. Stop staring now!

I quickly averted my eyes, feeling my face heating to the max.

The guy beside him scoffed. "Sasuke, it seems like you have another fan girl."

"Hn."

What's a… "Hn"? And I'm a _what_?!

**Flashback of memories.**

_Giant mobs of boys chasing after me._

_Replace boys species' chromosomes y with girls species' chromosomes x._

**Imagination taking effect.**

"_Kyaaa! Will you go out with me?"_

"_I love you so much!"_

_Repetitive flashing cameras. _

_Mountains of gifts piling over my desk and mailbox._

_Love letters flying everywhere._

"_You're the greatest!"_

_Stop touching me._

_Good god, stop touching me._

_You're too close!_

_Kissy faces aimed at you._

_It's crowding._

_Ringing of the cell phone and home phone._

_I'm not picking up!_

_Just _GO_ away._

I was brought out my trance when I noticed Naruto staring at me intently, a concerned look adorning his innocent expression.

Was that supposed to be cute?

Well, it was working… until he started giving the pervy look. _Stupid Ramen Pervert._

But back to business, that guy did _not_ just lower me to _those_ levels.

My viridescent eyes narrowed down at him.

Long silky, smooth hair. _Damn, nicer than mines._

White-eyes with a dash of lavender.

Milk-coloured skin.

Passive face.

So will someone _please_ explain to me how a blind transvestite keeps his hair so nice? Then again, the feminine thing works on Sai but dude for him…it doesn't work _at all _except the hair. As a matter of fact, how does he know how to judge a person when he can't even _see_?

I realized I unconsciously said that out loud because everybody's face distorted into one of surprise, amusement and anger. But most of the anger was generating from the blind transvestite in question.

I think I should _really_ get rid of this habit of blurting things out without passing the info through my brain first.

I saw him glare in my direction, all it's whiteness focusing on me.

Naruto and the Zoophile boomed with laughter with the former patting onto said Blind Transvestite's back. "Haha, Neji. Ahahaha…" The action seems to be making it worse because veins were pulsing dangerously on Neji. _I wonder if he has high blood pressure too?_

But I was immediately distracted when I noticed Sasuke's appearance. Honestly, there's no straight guy that can keep his skin so perfect. It was _flawless._ Mother says there _is_ no straight guy that can _ever _keep his visage so intact. All except for…

I just _had _to ask.

"Hey, are you gay?"

His head immediately whipped in my direction. _Dude, didn't he get whiplash?_

But seeing him giving me his full attention, I babbled on, "Can you teach me how to keep your skin so clear? Because sometimes I get these _really_ disgusting pimples that facemasks can't even get rid of! Will you teach me, pretty please?"

I turned my body in his direction, eyes expectant.

"Actually, can you recommend me some face wash too? You use Neutrogena? It's Neutrogena isn't it? Oh and which brands of makeup do you recommend? I'm actually running out of stock and it'd be great to have a shopping girlfriend."

For some reason, everyone stopped.

All was quiet.

I could've sworn I heard crickets creaking in the background.

I watched as Sasuke's stoic face twisted into one of surprise, following with one of trying to regain his composure before one of disgust before ending it with a look of annoyance.

"Tch." And he looked away, pouting…?

Naruto choked on his own spit and started rolling around the floor laughing hysterically.

"Teme's _gay_?! Ahahaha…!!" Tears flooded his eyes as he kept on laughing.

"Oh my god…Aha-Ahahahaha! Shopping _girlfriend_?!" He laughed on, clutching his trembling stomach. "Ahahaha…Sakura-chan! Please marry me! Ahahaha…"

His face was turning red. "S-Shikamaru! Hahaha…isn't she _hilarious_?! Ahahaha…"

"Shikamaru" The addressed man aka the Lazy Ass slash Pineapple Dude merely stared at him before muttering something his breath. "Troublesome…"

Assuming Sasuke won't be answering me anytime soon, I shrugged dejectedly. _Gay men and their prettifying secrets…_

I decided to pursue another subject. "So, where will I be sleeping?"

Sasuke's eyes peered at mine before reciting monotonously.

"It's recommended that you move out. But if you don't, then you'll be sleeping on the fold-up couch." With a jerk of his head, my viridian gaze fell on a white couch positioned near the door.

"The rules in here are simple, please refrain yourself from unleashing your hormones. Privacy is given to each individual so our rooms and bathrooms are off limits."

I blinked once, twice, three times.

"You expect me to sleep by the door?! What am I? A _dog_?" I yelled out.

God or not, he needs some ass kicking.

Shikamaru sighed and replied nonchalantly. "No, Akamaru is." He pointed in the direction of a small couch where Akamaru laid sleeping soundly.

"I actually think of you more as a hag, Haruno-san." Sai commented sweetly.

The insult left me unfazed because I was too _pissed_ at _Homo_ here. "And what the hell do you mean by 'bathrooms' off limits, are you expecting me to go in a _bush_?!"

"It's your problem, not mines." "Homo" replied.

Akamaru woke up from his slumber, doggy eyes zooming back and forth, spotting me before landing onto the floor and pitter-pattered toward me. He hopped onto my lap, eyes staring at me expectantly before he rubbed his head on my arm all the while snuggling against me.

I felt a rush of fluffiness coursing through me. At least _someone_ won't judge me.

I started patting its head gently, gaining a tender lick in return causing me to giggle.

"Heh, seems like Akamaru likes you." I lifted my head to see Kiba grinning at me. I smiled back softly.

I watched as he whistled for Akamaru to come over and the latter did. Akamaru hopped off my lap and found comfort on Kiba's head.

I snickered quietly.

I saw a hint of red highlighting his cheeks. Is he…_blushing?_

But it was gone when Naruto coughed loudly beside him all the while glaring at him.

Kiba glared right back before returning his eyes back on me.

He scoffed. "Well, just because Akamaru and this dumbass here," He referred to the boy beside him aka Naruto. "Dog-Breath, I'm sending you to hell—"

"Doesn't mean _I'll_ like you. I mean, who in the _right_ mind would dye their hair _pink_ of all colours these days?"

Twitch. Twitch.

My knuckles turned white as I restrained myself from beating him to a pulp. "It's _natural_." I hissed out through gritted teeth.

"Troublesome women these days…"

I guess my tolerance snapped, there's _seriously_ a limit to how much shit a girl can take in one day.

"Says the guy with the pineapple head who's lazy as a pig and is apparently a sexist too."

Shikamaru blinked back at me, eyes widening a bit at my tiny outburst before muttering, "Troublesome woman…" He buried his head in his arms, trying to wipe out my existence and probably everyone else's.

Silence reigned once more.

"Speaking of rules, you'll be in charged of the chores too." The Blind Transvestite added.

Yup, totally snapped.

"I am _not_ your freaking maid—" I tried to argue but was frozen into place by the murderous glare courtesy of Panda-kun over there. I zipped it.

I'm so not giving in. I'm going to give them a piece of my mind… when Panda-kun's not around. Yes, that's right. They'll be vulnerable then.

But memories hit me like a bolt of lightning.

I recalled slaving over homework and studying until 3 in the morning. After that I would go to school and endure long hours of tedious lectures, getting tasks from teachers where we might as well call slave drivers. Only to come home and see a strange man in the house your mother bought over. And from time to time you would hear moans and groans coming from the next room over.

I shuddered at the thought.

I remembered forgetting to eat breakfast, sometimes lunch and all the time, dinner and getting cramps while working. I've even fainted from the lack of nutrition once.

I remembered sleepless nights. My dreams—

_Nightmares_ were always being plagued by pictures of dad. They would always begin with happy memories before it transitions into heart-wrenching waves of crying and searching. It sort of reminds me of a bad soap opera.

It hurts.

It really _hurts_.

For some unknown reason, I would always wake up with tear-stained eyes.

But it eventually stopped. After getting my acceptance into this college, a portion of weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn't need to burden my mother any more.

Another reason I pursued for Konoha Leaf was for the dorms. I knew my mom could take care of herself. After all, she's a big girl now and with Taco Bell taking care of her I wouldn't have to worry as much.

But my point is, I've tried _so hard_.

I stood up, uneven bangs shadowing my eyes. My "keeping cool" nags have been long tuned out.

"You guys…"

They all gave me their full attention, a little taken aback by my sudden behavior.

"…are the most conceited, arrogant, _selfish_ lowlifes and bastards I've ever met!"

I inhaled, "You think life always goes your way when you have so much money you spoiled brats?! I know you provided most of the funds for the school and I'm a dirty commoner who got a scholarship to even attend does _not_, I repeat, DOES NOT make you better than me because apparently, my attitude is _so_ much better than yours!"

"Well kind of…" I berated myself inaudibly before continuing my angry rant.

"But you started it!" I stomped my foot childishly.

"I've been through _way_ too much crap in my life and I'm not about to let seven assholes stop me!" I spat out vehemently.

"And if you don't get it, it means you!" I shot out a finger at the blonde who jumped in surprise. "The Ramen Pervert _On Crack_! And you!" I pointed at Kiba who also jumped, Akamaru cowered a little, "Ugh, you Zoophile! I'm not the only one whose genetic code had been messed with!"

I pointed two fingers at Panda-kun and the half-napping teen. "And you two! The Insomniac Killer and The Sexist Pig!" The two's mouths dropped slightly.

"And _especially _you two!" I twisted my whole body around to face the worst two of the gang. "Hn-ing Homo In Denial and the Blind Transvestite! There's no way in _hell_ I'm sleeping on the fold-up couch! I can go to the bathroom whenever I want to! I'm not a mutt!"

"No offense, Akamaru." I interjected briefly, giving Akamaru a knowing look before resuming my scary yelling.

"And I'm _definitely_ not doing any maid work around here! So fucking _live with it!_"

The remaining two merely stared at me impassively, faces showing hints of meeting me for the very first time.

"Language, Haruno-san." Sai commented, still wearing that _smile_ of his.

I smacked my _normal sized_ forehead. Do I even have to bother telling _him _off? The _Emotionally Retarded, self-proclaimed girlie artist_? Okay, that's long. Let's just go with ERSGA. Ers-Ga!

"You guys are insufferable!" With that, I stormed out the door with a slam, leaving my belongings behind because I _will _be back!

"Annoying." Muttered an irritated Sasuke.

"I think she hates us." Naruto spoke, a grin still hanging on his face.

"You think _Ramen Perv_?" Shikamaru muttered sarcastically, before burying himself into his arms once more.

Naruto frowned at the sarcastic comment, "Sexist Pig…" he muttered to himself.

Neji was grumbling to himself too though barely audible, but you could pick up a few mentions of, "Transvestite?"

"It's because of your girly hair you idiot!" Naruto called out gaining a smack on the face from a very peeved Neji.

"Dobe." He heard Sasuke breathe out before marching into his room.

Naruto rubbed the sore spot where he was smacked. "I live in a world of bullies." He glowered.

Heh. But today sure was intriguing.

It's not a scene you see on a daily basis.

Sakura was entirely _opposite_ of normal and _practically_ the definition of what they _never _seen before.

She was different, definately interesting.

He sprang off the couch. "Maybe college would be fun after all…"

**x**

**x**

In the east wing of the school, a girl with bubblegum tresses sneezed, rubbing her nose hastily.

"I really shouldn't have done that…" She whispered to herself, the breeze picking up causing tiny goose bumps to rise over her exposed skin.

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

Breakdown.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" A muffled scream.

"Stupid, stupid, _stupid_."

Nonstop chanting.

"Stupid, stupid, _stupid_. Sakura you're so _stupid_!"

Lots of stomping.

"Ugh, I am so _stupid_!"

More mumbling.

"Why the hell did I do that?!"

A bit of screeching.

"My college days are over!"

And some bawling.

"This is even worse than Ron and Kim getting together! I mean, what about Rufus?!"

Kicks and punches aimed at thin air.

"Ugh, this is _why_ I hate men!"

**x**

**x**

* * *

******Author's Note:**

MY EXAMS ARE LONG OVER! So here's a quick update.

I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS HIS/HER SUMMER VACCAY. :)

& Review. :3

!** __****K**at.

P.S. (WARNING: Chapter 405 Spoilers.)

"Hi! Nice to meet you! I'm Jiraiya, you can give me a love letter later!"

That actually made me a bit sad.


	3. Chapter Two

(**t**)(**w**)(**o**)

_In the **middle** of the night  
That's when you caught **my** eye  
I chased **you** round in memories  
Through the breeze and the trees and you **tease** me.  
But **HEY**._

-

-

* * *

**STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED.  
**

* * *

-

-

"_Forehead Girl! Forehead Girl!" _The kids chorused in unison.

The tiny, crouched bundle in front of them whimpered.

_"Hahahaha…"_

A hairy mop of bubble-gum coloured locks trembled.

_"Such a big forehead, it can even crush a dinosaur!"_

The little bundle identified as a small girl, continued her silent weeps.

_"And she's such a cry baby too!"_

More streams leaked down her heated cheeks.

**Kick.**

She toppled over due the pain coursing throughout her entire head and body.

**Whoosh. Whoosh.**

They were throwing rocks now. She tried to bury herself into her arms, wishing that the earth could just open up and swallow her whole.

**Thud. Thud.**

She felt a rock scrape off some skin.

_It hurts…_

_"Hahahahaha…what a loser!"_

She felt shadows looming over her…she was completely surrounded. There was no escape.

**Pull.**

"_Eek!"_ She shrieked out painfully, they were pulling her hair!

**Pull. Pull.**

She felt it.

Strands were practically getting ripped out of its scalp.

_"St—" _She tried to hiccup out. The pain was overwhelming.

_"S-Stop!"_

_"I guess this is to be expected. After all, her dad is a manwhore!"_

She stiffened.

"_Yeah, I know. Her dad ran away, probably couldn't stand her giant forehead! Ahahaha…" _

Her thoughts halted.

_"He'll never come back! I know I wouldn't! I would never want such a giant forehead _monster_ as a daughter…"_

Laughter resounded through her ears, excruciatingly painful.

_"And her mother! Good god, what a tramp!"_

A blaze ignited within her.

_"I say she deserved it! She gave birth to a giant forehead freak after all!"_

As if like a rubber band had finally snapped under constant pressure, the eight-year old lost control.

**POW!**

And the boy grabbing her hair fell down to the ground, unconscious.

Everyone froze.

One girl eventually snapped out of it and raced forward. _"You!" _She growled out and readied a good punch before she was beaten to it and a roundhouse kick deformed her face, leaving her immobile on the ground, twitching.

It was only then that the magic spell broke and everyone resumed back to what they were doing.

They staggered forward to fight.

**KAPOW!**

**PUNCH!**

**KICK!**

**SLAP!**

**BAM!**

_Thud. Thud._

And they all fell down.

The girl with pink hair, covered in bruises, scrapes, cuts and blood that remained standing, panted heavily. Crimson blood was dripping down her nose, opened scabs from passed torture bled.

"_No one…" _She gritted out, tears dried up.

_"Absolutely no one…"_

She breathed, fists clenched firmly.

"…_EVER MAKES FUN OF MY FAMILY!"_

**x**

**x**

* * *

**E** v e r y **P** r i n c e s s  
**H** a s **H** e r **N** i g h t

* * *

**x**

**x**

I paced back and forth, back and forth, throwing out profanities every two seconds. I continued my pacing, adding stomps to it to emphasize something I have no idea what.

"Damn it. Damn it. Damn it all!" I threw my arms upwards, toward the starry-filled sky.

I smacked myself on the _normal sized_ forehead, questioning myself violently on how I ended up in this predicament.

Oh yeah, I lost control and just _had_ to let my mouth run off, insulting the people that I would probably need to put up with for many years to come.

Ugh, why did I even have to remind myself?

THIS.

SERIOUSLY.

_BLOWS._

I sighed. But the outburst was all behind me because what I'm frustrated about right now is the situation at hand...

I'M.

TOTALLY.

_LOST!_

I have this sudden urge to cry.

I was walking around, retracing my steps, trying to find my way back but this college is a labyrinth I tell you!

Oh woe is I, this damsel in distress with eye-blinding pink hair in the middle of the night, all alone.

And now, I'm hearing wolves howling in the background and I can't even imagine how that's even _possible_ seeing as we're in the city but who cares! I'M LOSING MY FREAKIN' MIND ANYWAY!

Oh, I know what's going to happen next…

I've read them in mangas before…

This is usually the moment where the main heroine encounters a blood-frenzied, out of control vampire who is about to attack any minute!

First the crazy psycho will go all, _Are you lost, little girl?_

"Are you lost, little girl?"

_Yes, exactly!_

And then they'll snarl savagely and pounce on you like a hungry hyena!

And oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, _OH GOD!_

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" I screamed, shutting my eyes and unconsciously getting into a fighting stance.

_I'm too young to die! Well, it's not technically dying. But as quote from Edward Cullen, I'm going to lose my soul! Wahhhh…_

Silence.

"…?"

It was then that I realized it wasn't snowing in July, no drip drops of crimson liquid, no animalistic beast ready to suck my blood, no sign of a Kaname in shining dark hair ready to act all cool and get all "You're a disgrace to all vampires." then a "Are you okay?" and save the day.

Just _silence._

I took my time in opening my eyes but when I did, the sight wasn't exactly what I wanted to see.

I gawked openly.

A man upside down, hanging from a tree wearing a mask, an eye patch, gray hair that defied all laws of physics, and reading a porn book came into my line of vision.

I did what any other typical pink-haired teenager would do.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh! A LIVING SCARECROW READING UNCENSORED PORN IN FRONT OF AN UNADULTERATED VIRGIN!"

I grabbed a nearby tree branch (which _coincidentally_ happened to be the size of a baseball bat) and made a grand slam with his face.

_Huh_, no wonder people enjoyed Team Rocket blasting off again…

**x**

**x**

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

I bowed repeatedly, getting dizzy from doing it so many times but I still carried out the action.

"I'm really sorry! I thought you were some vampire out to suck a young maiden's blood! I'm so, _so_ sorry! I didn't mean to—"

"Ahaha. It's alright Sakura-san, _really_."

"I didn't know you were our section's dorm leader, Kakashi-san! If I've known, I would never do that! I'm really, _really_ sorry!"

"Just call me Kakashi. Everyone makes mistakes, just…don't do it again or else I'll have to sue okay?" He spoke playfully as we walked along, ruffling my hair like one would do to a child's, or a retarded child. It depends on how you look at it.

"Huh…" I murmured, slightly relieved.

"I'm serious." He added, a menacing aura radiating off his entire stance.

I stiffened.

"Just kidding! Ohohoho…" He laughed foolishly before frolicking through imaginary daisies ahead.

"I'm sorry." I bowed once more, stopping altogether.

He halted and looked behind his shoulder, a diminutive eye crinkling at me, a supposed smile tracing underneath his mysterious mask.

"Come along now, I'll show you back to your dorm." And he walked ahead, expecting me to follow…

And I did.

"Here we are." Kakashi guided.

I bet no matter how many times I see the front of our dorm—_mansion_, I'll never cease to gape _at least_ once.

I span around and witnessed his retreating back.

"Call me Sakura!" I yelled after him. _And…thank you._

For some reason, it seem like he understood as he gave me one more smile (or at least I _thought_ it was a smile seeing as his eye wrinkled) and lifted a hand in farewell.

I felt my lips twitch slightly to form a secretive smile but it soon vanished as I watched him retrieved his Icha Icha Paradise out of his pocket.

_So many perverts yet so little death notes._

**x**

**x**

I slipped my dungeon key ever so carefully into the keyhole, unlocked the door and tried to sneak inside. It felt like I hit something so I used a little more power but the scene that emerged after that had my jaw dropping all the way to the floor.

There was _Naruto_ lying on the floor, in his boxers, blushing face aghast at my sudden arrival.

And connected to him was a sweaty Sasuke who looked up, face twitching traumatically.

And then there was a bruised Neji whose head was buried somewhat beneath Naruto's crotch.

Sai's smile was yanked into a straight line, "Tsk." all the while straddling Neji.

Akamaru looked like he was doing foreplay with Kiba whose one hand was holding onto Naruto's pants and the other was located on Naruto in a spot where they shouldn't be.

And for some reason, Gaara was knocked out cold behind the door with his tongue sticking out and eyes looking similar to x's.

Shikamaru flipped his head in my direction, face clearly entertained.

"Wow, you knocked out Gaara." He commented offhandedly.

But I was in _way_ too much shock so his words came in one ear and out the other. I tilted my head sideways. _This awfully reminds me of that one scene from that yaoi manga I encountered—_

My eyes widen as big as saucers.

So I did what any typical pink-haired teenager would do.

"So, _this_ is the forbidden love in which we dare not speak its name."

"…"

"Huh…basically, you guys are having a fivesome plus one dog eh?"

Naruto stuttered out, "Sakura-cha—"

"I'm going to go gouge my eyes out now." And I slammed the door the second time that day.

The men in the household heard the distinct fading sound of, "AHHHHHH! MY EYES! MY _PRECIOUS_ VIRGIN EYES!"

**x**

**x**

_Dirty thoughts be gone._

_Dirty thoughts be gone._

_Dirty thoughts BE GONE!_

_Gone!_

_Gone!_

_Gone!_

_Hell! I rather get molested my wolves than see _THAT_. _

I attempted to gouge my eyes out before realizing that they're vital organs needed to continue my education. Plus, learning Brail is _way_ too troublesome.

Ew, I sound like the Sexist Pig.

I threw my arms upward once more toward the now cloud-covered night sky.

"Why…" I wailed out.

"_Why_…" Imaginary tears poured down my face.

"WHY IS COLLEGE SO _MESSED UP_?!"

And her anguished cry swam west.

"…messed up, messed up, messed up..."

A farmer in China wearing a peasant bamboo hat lifted his head up to the blue skies before focusing his eyes on his fat old lady wife.

"Yo egg no wok wit me tadpole. Buddha say yeass tu. Me put me lito cucumber in fat hippo an make bebes! "

_Since you're infertile and I got the thumbs up from Buddha, I'm going to make babies with your sister instead. _

His fat old lady wife scoffed. "Yu no ka aneewai."

_You suck.  
_

**x**

**x**

* * *

**Duh!** _What _REALLY _happened!  
_

* * *

**x**

**x**

"Hey Sasuke!"

"…"

"Sasukeee…"

"..."

"Sasukeeee!"

"…"

"_Teme_, stop ignoring me!"

"Hn."

"Oh, don't you _dare_ 'Hn' me either!"

"Hn."

"HN-ING HOMO IN DENIAL!"

Sasuke's right foot was about to make contact with the floor when it instantly suspended in midair.

"Do not…" He uttered lowly.

"Eh? What was that, _Hn-ing Homo In Denial_?"

"Do _not_…"

"Still can't hear you…" Naruto sing song-ed giddily.

"_Ever_…"

"Huh?" Naruto blinked before something big and scary tackled him to the floor.

"Kyaaa—ughgadkjsoid—"

"Oh, is this some kind of mating ritual between two gay males?"

"Sh—SHUT—dksjdksad-UP—SAI!" Naruto managed to choke out before pushing Sasuke off of him. He threw a punch but Sasuke stopped the assault with his palm before landing a grueling kick to Naruto's stomach. The latter tasted some of his breakfast rising back up his mouth again.

"This is indeed a fascinating ritual, I can't look away! It's like the Discovery Channel all over again!" Sai exclaimed happily, eyes glued to Naruto and Sasuke.

"Oh! That's it!" Naruto spat out before grabbing Sai's collar and threw him into the fight too.

"This is childish."

"Then why don't you discover your inner child, _Hyuuga_." Sasuke wiped his mouth and aimed a punch at Neji the latter barely dodge, Sasuke's knuckles marginally scraped against his face.

And no Hyuuga backs down from a fight declared by an _Uchiha_. He shall _prove_ to everyone once and for all who's the real leader of the pack! HE _WILL _BE THE ALMIGHTY ALPHA MALE!

"Goodness gracious—" Kiba bit his tongue. _'Holy mother of pearls, was he going to say 'goodness gracious'?'_

"I'm losing my mind." He groaned. But thankfully, he looked around the living room…no one heard him because Shikamaru was engrossed in the scene unfolding, Gaara was leaving, grunting a "I'm going for a walk." And the rest were having the catfight.

"EAT MY SHORTS SAUCE_GAY_!"

Sasuke dodged it.

Instead, the pair of pants flew toward Kiba and landed on his head..

'_Please do not tell me these are Naruto's…Please do not tell me these are Naruto's…'_

He seized the monstrosity off his head and quivered.

"Naru_tard_..."

He randomly contemplated his options.

"Let's see, to avoid prison... I can always flee to Alaska and become an eskimo. I mean, I already got the jacket." He nodded and dove in, Akamaru following faithfully after.

But that was the moment when the Pinky decided to return.

The door slid open and it instantly rammed into Gaara, knocking him out.

Everybody stopped at the sound, leaving them in a _very _suggestive position except the sidelined Shikamaru who was totally disappointed at the interruption.

They watched as the girl's face heated, cooled, thoughtful, then dazed with agglomeration.

One colourful word ran through their minds that fleeting moment,

'_Shit…'_

**x**

**x**

_Dirty thoughts be gone._

_Dirty thoughts be gone!_

_Dirty thoughts BE GONE!_

I've been chanting those five syllables for exactly ten minutes now and my mind's actually getting tired.

_I wonder if North Korea have good education systems, communism can't be worse than _this_, can it?_

I stood by the doorway, unconsciously coming back while scratching my chin as I skimmed through every thought.

The door opened and the living room was unveiled.

"Sakura-chan! You're back!" Reminiscent yellow spikes bobbed up and down.

Out of nowhere, he hooked onto my wrist and led me to the kitchen. I had no chance to protest.

I was surprised to find out that the kitchen was actually _clean_ then again…it might've not been used yet since it's only the beginning of the semester.

I took a seat on a stool positioned by the counter.

"I'm really sorry about earlier Sakura-chan. It must've scarred you for life huh?"

A double door fridge was found along the left wall. A flat-surfaced stove and two-twin sinks with matching dishwashers underneath was positioned against the middle wall.

"Well, Sauce-GAY might be gay! But I'm not, honest!"

While oak cupboards decorated the upper levels and tall cabinets took up most of the space on the right wall.

"We were just fighting. It's really an everyday occurrence so don't worry about it Sakura-chan!"

Flower patterned tiles laid on the walls. The floor was tiled plainly.

"So seriously, I'm not gay!"

Together, the kitchen formed half a square with a frilly-curtained window above the sink. The smooth counter lay in the middle of it all. In other words, this kitchen was spankin'.

"Uh, yeah…" I answered, not really listening.

Naruto beamed. "Glad to get that cleared up!"

I raised an eyebrow. _Get what cleared up?_

He placed a cup of hot-boiled instant noodles in front of me. Well, that really explains about my attention span doesn't it? I was too busy analyzing the kitchen I didn't see him cooking.

I watched him as he filled the pot with a new change of water, waited patiently before the water started bubbling. "Ohh! The water is boiled! The water is boiled! Ready to put some ramen in now!" He clapped giddily.

I watched him once more, opening the bags of seasoning into the cup and then pouring the hot water. With a stir, voila! I didn't agree with his methods because that was _seriously_ unhealthy, my doctor side kicking in again.

_But instant noodles isn't exactly healthy is it? _

**Note to self**_: Give Ramen Pervert On Crack a full body checkup when I graduate and become certified to cut one's intestine's open without getting arrested._

"Aren't you going to eat your ramen? I'm sure you haven't eaten dinner yet." Naruto questioned.

I looked down at my cooled cup before taking it into my hand, grabbed the chopsticks Naruto laid down and ate.

He grinned softly before digging into his own.

Naruto inhaled everything like a vacuum and was done before I even gotten to my third bite.

"Wahhh. That's one good ramen." He patted his stomach, giving more emphasis. "Normally, I would've ate more but I'm low on stock."

I just had to ask, "How many do you usually eat?" I was really amazed by his answer, "My average would be around 6 cups but my record would be 12! Though…I got a stomachache after that. Hehe." He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly at his last words.

"I'm going to be the King of Ramen one day!" He proclaimed, still full of energy in the middle of the night.

_Maybe he should be a lab rat…analyzing his stamina could be an interesting process and I wouldn't be surprise if his blood flow has some ramen contents in it._

I regarded him dully.

He poked his chest with his thumb. "My dream is to one day invent the most _delicious_ ramen in the entire world!"

I would've scoffed at such an idiotic dream but seeing the glitter and determination in his eyes, I couldn't bring myself to do so. _Rich kids sure do have interesting dreams._

"I, I'm sure… you'll accomplish your dream if you put your mind to it Naruto." _Wow, that was lame._ I threw in an awkward smile with my sentence as a bonus.

He stared at me, eyes wide.

_Did he discover my plans of world domination?_

"Sakura-chan…" He whispered. I was a bit taken a back with his abrupt reflective form. "…thank you."

He broke into smile, not grin but smile, the types that are truly meaningful.

Naruto was deep in thought for a little while, giving me time to finish my ramen.

_Let's see…after world domination: make anime the official religion, reading manga is a sacred practice and everybody shall worship…oh I know! Lavi from D. Gray-Man! Or should it be Kanda? Ugh, what a heart-wrenching decision._

His next question made me choke. "What's your dream, Sakura-chan?"

I focused my eyes on him, mouth hanging. I realized it was a bit nasty seeing as ramen was still in my mouth so I closed it.

"W-what?" I couldn't comprehend his question at all.

No one and I mean absolutely _no one_ had ever asked me what my dream was before.

Truthfully, I didn't even tell my own mother about this except informing her that I was going to be a Pre-Med major, gaining a smile and support from her with no questions asked. I didn't blame her though. She was busy with work and her changing of boyfriends. So I had to keep 50 percent of the things to myself.

I looked away, my eyes getting glassy.

_So much for girl power. _My inner self insulted.

I settled my ramen cup down, with the chopsticks lying on top. "I want…" I took a deep breath before continuing, my eyes not daring to meet his radiant azure eyes.

"I want to become a doctor…it's been my dream ever since I was a pre-schooler, saving others and seeing the happiness and relief of the family members. Of course, there'll be times where I can't save that person but… every bit helps right?" I ended the explanation with a question but it was mostly for myself.

It was weird...discussing my feelings.

His chuckle made me look up again.

"I hope it comes true Sakura-chan!" He smiled, appreciatively. "You have my support all the way! I've got your back!" He gave me a thumbs up after that.

To say I was shocked was an understatement.

"You know…Sakura-chan. You're really different." I took back my ramen cup but I wasn't eating it, only staring.

"Because I'm a commoner?" I suggested.

He started waving his hands in defense. "No! No! Sakura-chan! Of course not! I mean…"

I stopped my glaring contest with my beef ramen and faced him.

"You're a good person." He ended.

"…"

I snorted. _Naïve._

He shrugged, gave me a weak smile, took my ramen cup along with his and hurled them down the garbage can.

"You can't judge a book by its cover."

He cracked a smile at my claim. "Well _I_ think so! I'm glad you're the one rooming with us Sakura-chan!"

"You know…" I grinned.

"...?"

"I never thought that rich snobs could be so…_nice_?"

"Snobs?" Naruto gasped mockingly, a hand resting above his heart. "Well, Sakura-chan I agree we can be bastards sometimes, especially Sasuke-teme, Neji-teme and Gaara but once you get to know them, I'm sure you'll like them!"

"Doubt it, people like them are the ones I can't stand. They think they can just rule the world because their families are all high and almighty but guess what? They don't even know the true meaning of the real world." I bit out.

He gave me a thoughtful glance, lifting his arms behind his head.

"You know Sakura-chan…like you said, don't judge a book by its cover." I blinked at his sudden emotionless voice.

"Everyone of us has a past that we want to hide and forget…the sorrow we've suffered. Though we may seem rich and easy-going now but before…I remember…" He shook his head, disheartening by the second.

I was aware of the fact that his knuckles were turning white because the pressure his fists were making.

"Hey…" I moved to touch his shoulder but his stance loosened and relaxed. "But I guess that's a story for another day!" His expression quickly regained its luster but my eyes narrowed at the regret that flashed across his eyes.

He started hopping up the stairs like that pink electric bunny I saw on a T.V. commercial, what was it called again? _Something about batteries_…my thoughts were cut off when Naruto took my hand in his and started pulling me along.

"Come on! I'll give you a tour of the whole house! But we'll have to be really, _really_ quiet!"

_Quiet? Look who's talking._

Altogether, forgetting Naruto's cryptic words.

**x**

**x**

"She's back."

"In the end, we didn't even need to look for her."

"You were the one searching for her, Hyuuga."

"So did you, Uchiha."

"Brick Wall Version I and Version II do have emotions after all. But I can't believe Dickless beat everyone in searching just by staying in the house."

"That Narutard is a dumbass. But who are you to talk, _Sai_ you didn't do anything! Oh yeah you're emotionally-constipated but in your case, it's even worse than Sasuke and Neji."

**Bark!**

"See! Akamaru agrees with me!"

"I dare you to say that to Gaara's face, Kiba. He didn't do anything either."

Gaara stared, challenging the Zoophile to say _anything_.

"…"

"Hmm, that's what I thought."

"Get _bent_, Sai."

"…Where's Shikamaru?"

"Sleeping."

**Snore. Snore.**

"QUIT CHANGING THE SUBJECT!"

"You want to compare whose dick is bigger then?"

"You are one sick—"

"I'm walking on raaamen. Wooooah! And it's gonna taste _GOOD!_ Oh yeeeahhh..."

Everybody by the patio winced. Naruto's note was _way_ off.

"Dear Spongebob, if you love me; you'll ditch your poorly decorated pineapple house and your suspiciously homosexual relationship with Patrick and come kill me. LIKE, _NOW_. I MEAN IT THIS TIME!"

That was probably Sakura.

"So, Sakura-chan! Weren't you not wearing your glasses when you first came in?"

"Do you _think_ I was wearing glasses when I first came in, Naruto?"

"Well, I couldn't tell through the pie I threw at you."

"…"

"…?"

"You _WHAT?!_"

**x**

**x**

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Yes, the manga scene Sakura was referring to with the vampire etc. _is_ from Vampire Knight. It was the first few frames of the beginning where Yuuki was in the snow and Kaname appeared etc.

Speaking of Vampire Knight, ANYONE READ CHAPTER 41?  
(BEWARE OF SPOILERS.)  
Zero didn't make an appearance. Dx  
But the Shiki/Rima moment totally made up for it, heh. ;3

& Review. ;)

! _**K**_at.


	4. Chapter Three

(**t**)(**h**)(**r**)(**e**)(**e**)

_Once upon a time there was a **girl**  
You really wouldn't call her **typical**  
Had her own **definition** of cool  
She lived in her **own**__ world._

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* * *

**STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED.  
**

* * *

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-

_Dedicated to Katie & Katie Louise. :)  
_  
Also known as dances.with.sunflowers. & rawful butter respectively.

_For always putting a smile on my face through either pm's, reviews or livejournal comments__.  
**  
x**  
o  
**x**  
o **  
**__  
_

I remember…

Not too long ago after my stupid ass dad had left…

I was just another kid (minus the pink hair) playing at the local park.

But I guess I was a little different from all the other kids…

Where's my mother? A person would ask…

And I would answer,

She's too busy…

Or

She's working…

Mother has to make money and take care of the household. There was no one else for her to depend on…

And they would walk away with those pitiful eyes.

I _detested_ those eyes.

While some others offered me a chance to play with their kids but I would always decline.

I would not take pity from _anyone_.

I sometimes wished I was a grown up so I could help lessen the burden on mother's shoulders. But I realized I can't because I was still a child, I was too small. I was _part _of the burden because I was too... _weak_.

I winced at the word.

_Weak…_

Maybe that was the problem.

If only I were _stronger_, maybe dad wouldn't have left.

If only I were _stronger_, maybe the neighborhood kids wouldn't have picked on me so much…

If only I were _stronger_, maybe I would've made some real friends at school…

If only I were _stronger_.

All these if only's…

It all came crashing down on me like a tidal wave.

Choking me.

Drowning me.

_**Then why don't you become stronger…?**_

I stiffened.

That was not my voice…

I darted my eyes to and fro to see where the voice originated from but it was all in vain because I didn't catch anything suspicious.

The only thing I saw were kids running wildly with their panting parents sauntering after them.

_**You unleashed me last time, remember? All those kids throwing rocks at you…they **_**deserved**_** to get hurt. It's only right…because they hurt you too. **_**An eye for an eye.**_**  
**_

My hands gripped onto the metal chain that attached the swing in all its glory.

_What…is this?_

Some children were having a sand ball fight at the sandbox while the others slid down the slide and pranced around on the jungle gym, all of them _laughing _happily like there's not a care in the world.

I would've taken my time to envy them on my loner's swing if it weren't for the fact that a voice was vibrating inside my mind.

I felt a cold drop of sweat rushing down the side of my _normal sized_ forehead.

_**If you're afraid to speak your mind then let me do it for you.**_

_Who…are you?_

_**I am…**_

…_?_

…_**your fairy godparent.**_

_…_

**_…_**

_…_

_**...**_

_..._

_**Ugh, fine. Sheesh, kids suffering dissociative identity disorder just aren't the same these days. In short, I am YOU but like an alter ego – you know… like, umm Superman!**_

…_Are you going to make me wear speedos and spandex?_

_**What? Eww. No, of course not. Have you even **_**looked ****_at that cape girl? Hell no!_**

_Okay then, whatever._

_**Groovy.**_

_..._

_**Sorry.**_

**x**

**x**

* * *

**S** n o w **W** h i t e  
**I** s **C** i n d e r e l l a **?**

* * *

**x**

**x**

_Poke._

I groaned, dismissing the assault.

_Poke. Poke. _

I twitched slightly.

Thanks to Naruto, I went to bed—_couch_ at around 2 in the morning so my plan was to sleep it off till noon to make up for lost time.

_Good god_, he wouldn't stop talking.

I thought with time, his vocal cords would eventually wear out but apparently, his voice defies all laws of whatever shit.

Leave me alone! I'm sleepy so I don't _have_ to be coherent right now.

But cheers… there'll be no classes until Monday, which is tomorrow… but it's still tomorrow! Hah!

Procrastination for life _fools_!

The college opens three days prior the actual opening day of the semester to give the students a chance to settle into their dorms—_mansion_. I arrived on the second day so I'm guessing the guys arrived on the first.

I've asked Naruto about the rooming system and he merely shrugged, something along the lines of "King Of Ramen" and "Special" spurted out of his mouth along with those endless "Hehehehe's…" and a "Sauce_gay_".

I've tuned him out by then, wondering at the back of mind why he was complaining about "gay sauce."

_Can you really determine a sauce's sexuality?_

But I've tuned back in when he started chatting about how they weren't expecting me and when they caught a word that it's going to be a female roommate, they immediately assumed _I_ was a fan girl.

Talk about _ridiculous_!

I coughed mentally.

I knew something wasn't right when these sharp pokes at the back of my spine kept getting harder and harder.

I shrugged it off…but it continued after a few more seconds.

_Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Po—_

Okay, _that's it_.

My bloodshot eyes snapped open.

I lifted the sheets that were covering my head, stuck out an arm to grab my fugly glasses before revealing my entire face. I focused my glare onto my assaulter but it soon melted away when I discovered whom it was.

"M—Morning Gaara."

His sea-foam, eyebrow-less eyes threw me into an endless abyss...

_Sort of_, life isn't exactly a shoujo manga you know!

"You. Breakfast. Now."

I blinked.

He stared.

I blinked.

He stared.

I blinked.

He stared with a do-it-now-or-I'll-shower-you-with-rainbow-coloured-unicorns-and-sing-I'm-too-sexy-for-my-shirt look.

Or maybe it really translated into a do-it-now-or-I'll-kill-you-and-no-one-will-ever-find-your-body-nor-will-they-recognize-it-and-_then_-sing-I'm-too-sexy-for-my-shirt look.

Who knows, boys are weird.

During my train of thought, I didn't realize I automatically got out of bed and stepped into the bathroom, performed my morning rituals, robotically walked into the kitchen, went into Martha Stewart mode and brought out plates and plates of omelets to the dining room where everyone was seated.

(I blame my stupid ass dad for pushing my swing so damn high causing me to fly and I was landing on a tree so high and I thought I was going to die. But I ended up ramming heads with a crow instead — thus lost a few brain cells, probably the ones that gives me long attention spans. AND NO I WAS NOT TRYING TO RHYME, PSHH.)

It was only when Sai oh-so-kindly given me his commentary that I snapped out of my trance.

"This looks like cow shit… who had diarrhea." And he smiled, eyes crinkling.

"Speak more and I'll make sure your diarrhea comes out of an area where you'll never imagine it can ever come out of." And I rewarded him with my Teen Choice Awards winning smile.

"You mean my dick?"

Kiba snorted before muttering an "I-don't-wanna-eat-this."

"Then why don't you eat Akamaru's share?" I snarled out sarcastically.

He didn't take it as an insult. "I can't. Akamaru will get mad at me." Akamaru barked in acknowledgement.

I twitched disturbingly before I penguin-walked back into the kitchen, bringing out some good ol' vitamin C.

"Aww, Sakura-chan! I don't want omelets and orange juice! Can't I have ramen? Pleeeeeease?" He pleaded, puppy-dog eyes in play.

"It's either orange juice or toilet water." I jerked my head towards Akamaru who whizzed straight to the bathroom to slurp said toilet water.

"I don't think I flushed the toilet." Naruto claimed.

Neji and Shikamaru cringed.

Gaara just sat there.

I frowned disapprovingly.

**Note to self: **_Never enter said bathroom, ever, _ever_ again. Ever._

"There's a thing called hygiene, Dobe." Sasuke stated, disgusted beyond all levels.

"Oh my god, my dog! Akamaru, don't drink the poison!" Kiba panicked.

And through all the chaos with the Zoophile screaming at the Ramen Pervert On Crack and with the latter screaming right back along the lines of, "You know what…if my dog dies, I'm _so_ kicking your ass to Oto to have Orochimaru molest you." and "SO WHAT DOG BREATH?! AT LEAST I'M PRETTIER THAN YOU!" and "What does THAT have to do WITH _ANYTHING_?" and "I DONNO. BUT FEAR MY HOTNESS! I'M SO HOT, I AM ON _FIRE_ BABY, THAT BURNIN' UP SONG SHOULD BE DEDICATED TO MOI!" and "YOU REALLY _ARE_ ON CRACK!" and "AT LEAST I'M ON _HOT_ CRACK!" while The Hning Homo In Denial, The Blind Transvestite, and The Insomniac Killer watching on said event impassively with The Sexist Pig sleeping obliviously and ERSGA smiling and through this completely run-on sentence, this squished paragraph and this rushed and unrealistic filler, all the occupied plates were left spotless.

**x**

**x**

I hummed happily as I wiped the plates and silverware, and placed them back onto their rightful spots.

Ah. Mission accomplished. I can _so_ pass for a Kim Possible and or slash ninja.

But the essence of victory ended when another essence of manly shampoo, tomatoes and all those other boyish smells replaced it.

It was then that I realized Sasuke was standing in front of me, just an inch away from skin contact.

My breath hitched.

Life would be _so_ much easier if I didn't possess any hormones, like _seriously_.

I saw my reflection on those smoldering, charcoal orbs and oh my god that _flawless_ skin. My heart was thumping _hard_ against my chest that moment.

_Doki. Doki. _It went.

And the thought of a heart going _doki doki_ wasn't _exactly_ scientifically correct never crossed my mind because I was crushing. I was crushing on _him_. The gay man! But I'm going to deny it because that's the right thing to do. I think. Plus Naruto is going to be _so_ hurt. I don't want to be a home wrecker like that dumb tramp my father liked—

A piece of paper was shoved into my face.

I tilted my head sideways, not understanding.

He saw this and sighed. I saw him ran a few slender fingers over his dark (and soft I assume) locks.

My fingers twitched, getting this sudden urge to run through those smooth locks myself before realizing this was a sick thought, _sort of_.

Ugh, MEN EQUALS BAD. MEN EQUALS BAD! BAD! _BAD!_

Sasuke made eye contact with me once more. "It's the list of chores for you to do today." The tone he used was like explaining foreplay to a 14 year-old, hormones rampaging teenager going through stages of puberty.

_Why do I feel dumber in this house?_

My eyes skimmed through the list's contents.

- **Wipe the windows.**

- **Vacuum the carpet.**

- **Clean the toilet.**

- **Clear Akamaru's litter box.**

Yada, yada, blah, blah, blah…let's get near the end:

- **Clean Naruto's—**

"_Room_?! You're kidding me right? It's only been three days!"

Sasuke shrugged, boredom written all over his face.

"And you're making me clean _that _toilet? As much as I would _love_ to enjoy other's feces and urine, I prefer strawberries and sunflowers. Thanks."

I shot daggers at the incoming Naruto. He saw my menacing aura, squeaked and scurried out of the kitchen.

I switched my glare onto the pretty boy standing before me. Sasuke gave me a look that screamed okay-ditch-that-and-let's-go-watch-the-sunset-together-and-rehearse-a-scene-from-Icha-Icha-Paradise-instead-and-then-have-me-sing-I'm-too-sexy-for-my-shirt.

Or it could've been a you-don't-have-a-choice-so-get-going-and-by-the-way-I-_am_-too-sexy-for-my-shirt look.

Who knows, boys are weird.

By the way, since I am _so_ superly awesomerific, fanana-bananatastic, I just _had_ to trip over my own toes. Really, I can prove to scientists everywhere the impossible limits of stupidity. So while I have my face squished to the kitchen tiles, (It really is _beyond_ me how my fugly glasses can still survive. I'd bet anything those glasses can go through a 10 on the richter magnitude scale and come out without a single scratch on them.) I should be promoted from Lieutenant Obvious to Captain Obvious.

"I fell." I elaborated.

I _swore_ I heard Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"You could've at least _tried _to catch me."

"That would be cliche."

"Go die, homo."

**x**

**x**

Hours and hours passed by. Or maybe it was only an hour but I made my way through the list and it's finally, _finally_ the end. Almost.

Clean Naruto's room was all I had to do. And then mop the kitchen tiled floors.

No biggie!

And I'm going to cram those words back into my mouth—

It was the portal to ramen hell I tell you!

It's only been _three_ days and his floor was covered in ramen cups, half-eaten ramen, ramen containers and the room smelled like a horse stable!

And ramen.

_Spongebob, you're an ass. Why did you leave me alive?!_

I put on a mouth protector and covered myself in plastic protection before entering.

Shikamaru passed by and nodded, complimenting me offhandedly. "Smart." Before proceeding to his room.

After an agonizing hour and a half, the room was spotless or so it seems. I took off my mouth protector and sighed out proudly.

_The Kim Possible and or slash ninja wannabe does it again!_

I didn't bother cleaning the corners. It's Naruto after all so he won't notice, duh.

Speak of the devil, the Ramen King has entered his Ramen Castle.

"Wow… Sakura-chan! This place is spotless!"

I harrumphed, "Yes. Well, I _am_ a miracle worker so concerning payment—"

"Hey, why is this corner—"

"Never mind, it's free."

"Heh. Looks like you did a pretty good job, Ugly Hag. I never knew Naruto's room will ever be available for inhabitance ever again except for the Dickless himself."

"Shut up Sai! I am _the_ future KING OF RAMEN! You have no right—"

"Naruto, watch out for the—"

_Garbage can._ I finished mentally.

It was too late, seeing as he rammed into it, all the junk that was once inside the garbage can are now pouring out onto the carpet. (Which I've worked _so hard_ on cleaning.

Ish.)

I would be having a fit right now if it weren't for the fact that Naruto flew on top of me, with _me_ under him, on his _bed_, our faces only _half_ a centimeter away from each other.

Through the corners of my eyes, Sai was smiling slyly at our position.

I kind of want to choke him with tofu right now.

Orange blocked my vision. Oh yeah, almost forgot about _this._

I blushed (prettily because I CAN) when I felt Naruto's breathing (which smells like ramen might I add) fanning over my face. My face flushed madly at this.

Naruto's face was plastered with shock but before long, his face was as red as well.

"Umm…" I tried to speak out but I couldn't. My throat closed up without my command.

_Get off me!_ My mind yelped but my inner was cheering me on, telling me to rape him. _Spongebob, look what you did. You're leaving a potential female rapist of teenage pretty boys on the loose. Thus, you are an ass. A HOMOSEXUAL ASS! Don't think I don't know what you do with Patrick behind that ugly rock!_

"Dobe."

_S—Sasuke?_

I threw Naruto off of me.

"S—Sasuke!" I dusted myself off, slightly scared.

"I—I didn't do anything to Naruto! Honest! He slipped! I fell! I didn't touch your girlfriend—or boyfriend but you seem like the dominant type so girlfriend should be right! Please don't get mad, I'm not into love triangles. I know the relationship between you and Naruto is special—and, and really men and men relationships are _beautiful_! So I—"

"Sakura, please stop talking."

I clamped my mouth shut.

Sai's face was laughing, LAUGHING! The nerve of him! I bet he's just mad he ain't getting any from nobody in this house. Yeah, that's it.

_NO_, I'M NOT CHILDISH!

Naruto was still overwhelmed by what just happened since his face was still red and he was stuttering nonstop. Sweat slipped down his forehead and he kept waving his hands like a mad man. "S—S—Sorry Sakura-c—chan! I—I'm so clumsy, a—aren't I? Ahahahaha, I'm going to go poop ramen now so…bye!" and he flew out the door.

_Too much information._

Sasuke's gaze drilled a hole into my noggin.

Oh god, I said—_thought_ "noggin". What has the world come to?

I was embarrassed. I was nervous.

Sai was gone god knows where so it was just he and I.

I felt naked. I felt vulnerable.

My blush returned as I went on to pick up the spilled garbage, feeling a little sad that I had to start over.

I was surprised when a pale hand reached out to help me. I lifted my head and saw Sasuke picking up the garbage. His face wasn't facing me though. But instead, it was concentrated on the junk in front of him.

"Are you going to stare at me all day or are you going to clean up?" He asked, a tinge of annoyance lacing his usually monotone voice.

I shivered a bit before replying, "Yeah, sorry…" I whispered quietly and resumed my cleaning. Through my peripheral vision, I thought I saw him look at me for a split second before cleaning up again.

I was going to question if this was "too _cliche_" for him but I was distracted.

"Sasuke?"

"...?"

"…What kind of lotion do you use?"

_I don't deserve to live._

**x**

**x**

It was late in the afternoon, almost into the evening. The sun was already on the other side of the sky.

I was mopping the damned kitchen floors. Back and forth motions were seriously killing my arm.

I sighed before taking the mop into my hands and squeezed with all my might. Dirty water came pouring down into the bucket. I landed the mop back onto the floor and pushed up and down, up and down, wiping some sweat off my forehead with my clean backhand and continued.

_Up and down…_

A few knocks resounded from the door.

I ceased my mopping, rubbed my wet fingers onto the frilly green apron I was wearing and made my way toward the door. Before I could touch the knob, a hand grabbed onto mine and I traced the arm back to its owner, I saw the Blind Tranvestite's face. "Fan girls." He warned.

_How does he know? He's _blind_..._

But a light bulb just went on inside my head. I secretly smirked and twisted the doorknob.

"Ahh. My hand slipped..."

I heard a choking sound in the living room.

I sidestepped but I didn't know who, pushed me out of the way, squeals and "Sasuke-kunnnn and Neji-kunnnn and Oh Sai marry me! I love you Shikamaru! You're so cute Gaara! Will you go out with me Naruto?" started.

I closed the door and stood outside stupefied. But it didn't last long when a grin made its way onto my face.

I could hear the guys' protests being drowned out by the rabid fan girls. I did feel bad for Naruto though but…he _did_ make me clean his room so we're even.

I snickered lowly when I heard a manly scream cut through the "Kyaaaaaa!" like a butter knife.

Oh how I love life right now.

**x**

**x**

* * *

**DOO! DO! DEE!** _Extra_ Stor-_ee_!

* * *

**x**

**x**

The boys struggled to make their escape, they didn't know how long they've been in there but it felt like hours.

Kiba's mentality snapped and jumped out the window, not being able to withstand the clawing and groping from the scary, _scary_ girls anymore. Correction, not girls but _wild hyenas_.

"Goodbye world." With that said, he was flying…for a second and a half.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! Kyaaaaaaaaaaa!!" Oh how manly.

Kiba soared downwards, mouth opened to catch some flies.

In a matter of milliseconds, he landed on something soft. More precisely, his lips landed on something soft…and fluffy? No, more like _furry_.

He opened his sharp eyes. "Oh. My. Poodle." How he managed to say that with his lips occupied is beyond human comprehension.

He was kissing _a cat_!

A whimper resounded softly behind him.

He craned his neck to look behind his shoulder, wiping the disgusting taste of catnip off his lips. Kiba's eyes widened immensely, jaws dropping in mortification. There was Akamaru, eyes filled with pain and unshed tears. A sense of betrayal washed over the poor little thing's face. It seems like the dog followed his owner loyally, even to his doom.

Kiba looked back down to the half-dead feline. They were in quite a _suggestive_ position. Kiba's hands were planted on both sides of the cat's face, his whole body hovering over it.

Yep, _very_ suggestive.

He quickly hopped onto his feet and waved his arms frantically like his life depended on it. "No! Akamaru, it's not what you think!"

But the poor dog could only back away as Kiba stepped forward. "No…_please_ Akamaru." He begged. "You know you're the only one for me."

A tear finally slid down Akamaru's cheek. And with a dramatic pose of hurt, he twisted backwards and ran off into the sunset—never mind it's still the afternoon.

Kiba dropped to his knees.

"AKAMARUUUUUUU!!"

An anguished sob.

And more sobs.

Oh why does life always have to end in tragedy?

**x**

**x**

* * *

******Author's Note:**

There was nothing on TV so I somehow decided to reread Twilight...  
At 1 AM.  
I'm tired.

In other news, please check out my **_new!_** story:  
METROPOLIS!

& Review it.  
And this too.  
It'll make me happy.  
And when I'm happy,  
I write.  
This is not a bribe.  
(ish.)

!** __****K**at.

P.S. Oh, just a spoiler:  
The Akatsuki gang _will_ make an appearance. Now, my fan girl minions; YOU MAY SCREAM/SQUEAL/FLAIL/SHOUT/GIGGLE/SWOON/ AND OR MAKE LOUD KYAA NOISES etcetera, etcetera. (:


	5. Chapter Four

(**f**)(**o**)(**u**)(**r**)

_All the __**total**__ dicks  
All the __**stuck up**__ chicks  
So superficial, so __**immature**__._

-

-

* * *

**STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED.**

* * *

Dedicated to _Mary_ & _Ukeire-chan_. x3  
Also known as & Ukeire respectively.

_Must I provide a reason? They're _that _great._

****

-

"S—She's gone!"

"W—What?! Oh my god—this, this is…"

Hysteric voices and restrained cries leveled throughout everyone's ears.

"No, no, no, no, no, _NO_…THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!"

Breakdowns echoed throughout the household.

Confusion. Anxiety. Horror.

"A ransom letter."

Panic-stricken faces dabbed with dried up tearstains.

The loud silence rang painfully.

Terror. Hysteria. Dread.

_Chaos._

"I'll do it."

Three words. Three syllables. Seven letters. One apostrophe. One period.

All faces angled at the one out of two identical faces.

"No."

His mirror turned and answered.

"I have to."

One morning later.

One phone call, "We have her. Come alone with _noise_**static**buzz––in _cash_."

Palms sweated.

"Or _else_."

The toneless ringing of a hanged-up phone, "Hello? Hello?!" and no_signal_no**signal**nosignal. No one dared to find out what else meant.

Fear. Hope. Agitation.

It was time.

Deep breaths were held back.

Sob. Sob. Running footsteps. "D—Daddy!"

Relief. Concern. Excitement.

And—bittersweet freedom.

"W—Where's father?"

While one child was reunited, the other was left behind.

"He…He's not coming back."

Sorrow. Regret. Heartbreak.

"Why…?"

Confused. Manipulated. Infuriated.

"I'm sorry—"

"It's _not_ fair."

He mourned.

Fists clenched, blood spilled.

No reply.

"It's all your fault…"

Teeth gritted, white pearls grinded.

He wept.

"This wouldn't have happened if he didn't take your place."

No reply.

He cried.

"_You_ should've been the one…"

He pained.

"Not _him_."

No reply.

"I _hate_ you. You…"

A bond broken in two.

ANGER. ANGER. _ANGER_.

"…_Murderer._"

**-**

**-**

* * *

**T** a l e s **O** f **B** i o t c h e r y

* * *

**-**

**-**

You really got to feel bad for Franklin the turtle. I mean, _sure_, he's kind of cool and a bit of a gangster. _HELLO_, He can count by twos _and_ tie his shoes. That's more than half the percentage of what humanity can do.

But really, I feel bad for him, every bits of his flaws get expose in each and every single episode for the world to see. After that, he's got to learn his morals and correct said morals through the help of his friends, teachers, family and his conscious.

Poor guy.

And when I think about what Franklin has to go through each and everyday; then compare it to my own, it makes me feel so much better because I don't have a crappy theme song,

_(Hey it's Sakura!  
Coming over to play,  
Growing a little,  
Everyday.  
Here she comes with all her friends.  
They've got stories,  
Got time to spend with you.  
Hey it's Sakura!  
Coming to your house.  
Hey it's Sakura!  
Coming to my house.  
Hey it's Sakura!)_

Coming to my house, my ass.

**x**

**x**

If reality had a backspace key, I'll probably abuse it.

I swear to the whatchamacallit sisterhood of secrecy to all the things that are good and holy; I, Sakura Haruno solemnly swear that I suck, life sucks, everybody sucks, Homo sucks because he has nicer skin than me, the Ramen Pervert On Crack sucks because he makes me cook ramen everyday, the Transvestite sucks because my hair is fugly compared to his, ERSGA sucks because he's more of a girl than I can ever be, nobody cares about the Zoophile because he seems to be in a state of depression for whatever unknown reason relating to Akamaru, the Sexist Pig sucks because he called me a _"troublesome female specimen on a pms-ing faze" _and the guy I dare not speak his eyebrow-less name for I shalt be murdered in my sleep sucks to the suck, suck of suckage suck of capital SUCK of McSuck times 96495345049129 of suckity suck, suck and more suck.

It _sucks._

* * *

& **Scene** 01.

* * *

I am dead.

I am dead.

My brain is _dead._

My arms are _dead._

My legs are _dead._

I'm_ dead. _

Dead, dead, DEAD, _DEAD_—

My soul was practically flowing out of my mouth as I floated across the campus halls. My back hunched, dark bags hung below my dull viridian eyes. My hair was in disarray as it was raised into a messy bun by a lime-green scrunchie. I held onto my binder in one hand while I gripped a girly pink clutches bag in the other.

Why? _WHY _DO THINGS HAVE TO END THIS WAY?

Who could've _known_ fan girls could trash a place in a matter of milliseconds? _I_ for one certainly DID NOT. While I was happily galloping off to cloud nine, the mansion was getting trashed and I admit, I _did_ "jumped in glee" when the thought of said pretty men were getting "the whole indoor adventure" package, I did not realize the results would be _dire_.

You could not imagine the look of my face when I discovered that _I_ had to clean the place up!

ADSAKJDGHGF.

Though the fact that the guys' condition weren't any better than mines _do_ make me feel a lot better about myself.

Why yes, I _am_ a leech who feeds off others' misfortunes. Deal with it.

Of course, they asked, "Are you _sure_ your hands accidentally 'slipped'?"

Me, "Yep! I swear if I'm lying, my dad would get hit by lightning four times—no, ten—BIJILLION TIMES! Along with getting trampled over by a constipated rapping duck while having his private parts getting turned on by a rock named George, and then getting arrested by the mole people who wants him to become their sacrifice for Batman's bat mobile AND AFTER, IT'LL BE HAHA! YOU JUST GOT PUNK'D BY ASHTON KUTCHER! WOOHOO! OOGA! OOGA! BAH! BAH! WHEE! WHEE! HONK! HONK!"

"…"

_I didn't get a lot of sleep._

"Ahh. U—Umm, p—please let me pass…"

I adjusted my _fugly_ glasses and searched for the timid voice.

A girl with fragile exteriors, in fashionable baggy capris, complimented by her expensive-looking bucket bag stood out among the crowd of leering men. Her baby-blue cardigan brought out the colour of her midnight-blue hair and pale, blushing visage.

"Aww! Come on! Tell me, are you single?"

In mere seconds, her cheeks flushed into one hundred and fifty-two shades of apple red.

"Do you have a map?"

Light orbs blinked. "E—Eh?"

"Because I just got lost in your eyes."

I snorted.

A smirk flickered onto my lips upon the girl's reaction. "E—Eh? Umm…sir, I—I don't have a map in m—my eyes."

"Hinata-chan! Don't be picky! _I_ wasn't!"

_He did _not_ just go there._

I watched as the girl's mouth trembled.

I'm not a hero.

Nor am I a heroine.

I'm stubborn, I'm selfish, I gossip, I lie, I cheat, I freak, I shoplifted _once—twice_, I hurt, I hit, I punch, I kick.

I'm the perfect definition of imperfection.

I can't save the world and probably wouldn't due to trivial excuses. I'm a coward, I get jealous, I believe in parasitism as long as I gain and I can be conceited when I want to be so honestly…

I have _no_ idea why I did what I just did.

With a fake plastered smile, I stepped forward, "Hinata-chan! We're late for class. Let's go!" And without making eye contact with her, I hooked my arm onto hers and dragged her out of there.

A "Hey!" resounded behind us, but neither her… nor me dared look back.

_The whole duration of me wonderfully slipping on an out-of-nowhere indoor pinecone, creating a snowball effect as I rammed into the concrete wall probably ruined it._

**x**

**x**

I leaned my head back into my arms.

The sunlight fleets directly onto my irises. Wincing, I gently shut them as the voice of nature makes its debut.

And if I didn't shift to the right, I could've became a crow's personal dump bucket.

_Splat. _

_It's tearin' up my heart when I'm—_

I have _no_ frickin' idea why crow doody is pulling an NSync.

They suck.

* * *

& **Scene **02.

* * *

**Status: **Biostatistics class ended, (decades ago);

**Goal:** Advanced Calculus.

**Method:** Shortcut alley in between Business section and Science building.

**Time of Operation: **Tuesday. September 2, 2008. 1500 hours, 13 minutes, 52 seconds.

I discovered a conspiracy. (And I was _a hell of_ a late for class.)

What exactly does a mentally unstable pinknette do when she discovers one said homo-in-denial and or slash roommate, smacking lips with someone that did not contain ramen, perverted homos on crack and or slash roommates with a crimson-haired, four-eyed Godzilla instead?

Yeah, I recognize her.

No, I don't have any grudges/vendettas against her.

Hey. She just oh-so-happened to have _stepped _on my toe in the hallways; once or twice… thrice.

Four,

Five,

_Six,_

_Seven, __Eight_—

_ NINE times _during a short two-day interval.

And it_ hurt _(Especially when one weighs over 200 pounds_._)

But who's COUNTING?

Crimson hair tossed back. "Mhmmfh. S—Sa…su…_ke._"

I think I'm getting heartburn…

I whipped my head around. My throat developing a rare sense of dryness as I tried to walk away, _away_ from there...far, FAR away... and immediately tripped over something massive.

I almost tipped over but somehow magically regained my balance. For _once._

The "something massive" moved.

Damp, floppy black hair.

Fake dopey smile.

Canvas and brush in hand.

"ERSG—Sai?! What are you doing?"

His orbs drifted pass my face, onto the direction of the Kung Fu Pandas, before finally offering me a swift glance.

A wicked smile, "Observing as nature takes it course" Before focusing back onto his canvas as his brush stroked up and down.

I cringed and scurried away.

"…"

My legs broke into a run.

"CRAP!" Late, late, late, _late—_

_(Half-lidded charcoal abyss opened as rose-coloured pink flipped through his line of vision, before it fluttered away.)_

**x**

**x**

My eyes clenched even tighter at the memory as my arms wound around my ears and head, trying to block out the oncoming chatter.

"Sakura!" I thought I heard.

I lifted my head.

Sudden silence.

In it goes, out it went.

I shook my head before I got up.

I swung my legs over the ledge to sit upright.

* * *

& **Scene **03.

* * *

Early Wednesday morning.

Silence was dominant.

All were tucked in bed, still.

The exceptions being those in between whimpers that glided across from me.

Sure, no one's perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days. Everybody gets that way—OH MY GOD, I'M QUOTING A 16 YEAR OLD DISNEY POPSTAR WHO HAS A HIPPOPOTAMUS STUFFED DOWN HER SPINE.

I glared.

"Okay. I'm obligated to ask what's wrong now after you've been bawling for two hours, 37 minutes and 22 seconds, causing, per say my _head_ to pull a World War III. So, what's wrong?"

Kiba's whimper died down, head still glued into his arms as his huddle position became more reclusive.

No answer.

No reply.

No, _nothing_.

Can I just give him some space?

Yeah, I _can_ right?

Emotional Zoophiles need those, yes?

Smiling to myself, I quickly got up—and stopped.

His whimpers grew once more.

I raked through my hair, untangling the unhealthy knots as I did so.

"Please, _do_ tell me your problems, kind sir?" My sarcasm didn't get to him.

What happened to less talk, more action?

Because, he finally talked…

_A lot._

—He kissed a cat?

_(HAH.)_

**x**

**x**

I gazed downwards upon my surroundings, little ant people bunched and wiggled below me.

Huh, no wonder God chose to be on top. IT FEELS _GREAT_.

I AM SUPERIOR.

HELL YEAH.

I laughed out loud, foolishly, nervously, and awkwardly.

…_I'm dying inside._

* * *

& **Scene **04.

* * *

I stared.

And stared.

And _stared_.

I honestly question my staring capabilities.

A young blonde clad in a skimpy halter-top, knee-length plaid skirt and cute ballet flats stood outside our dorm's door.

Baby-azure eyes implored into mines, a thin strip of lip-glossed lips fitted into place.

"You are?" She inquired.

"Pippi Longstocking." I gave.

"…"

"…"

Her pouted lips curved into a smile.

"And you?" I finally questioned.

"Kim Possible."

Oh, she's good. I like her.

—Until she shredded her halter-top (which was scientifically, to the naked eye impossible since there was nothing to hide) but apparently a lacy corset was set into place.

My jaw dropped.

_Please don't tell me I'm going to get raped by a girl._

That lasted for a few seconds, and she decided to straighten said clothing article a little.

_I just got flashed._

"Do you know where Shikamaru is?"

A finger pointed up.

Information understood, she bounced up the stairs.

I blinked.

A moment of silence,

"Que…?"

Until I broke it.

"Ino! What the _hell_ are you doing?!" A bellow echoed upstairs, traveling into the living room.

"Showing you how Temari doesn't even _compare_, compared to _me._"

"Put on some clothes!"

"Stop resisting, Shika-_kun_ and go with the flow…"

"Oh my god, don't touch—"

Squeak. Squeak.

_THUMP._

CRASH!

Squeak. _Squeak._

Quiet.

The calm before the storm.

I felt…_violated._

**x**

**x**

I screamed into my arms.

In a third person's point of view, I might look a tad…insane, just a _tad_ though.

It _sucks_ to the penguinth power, I swear.

* * *

& **Scene **05.

* * *

I browsed down the aisle of a local Wal-Mart, looking, searching, hunting, because _someone_ used up all of my conditioner.

Blind bastard.

_Hah_, alliteration.

An hour ago; I was, "Hey Neji! You used up all my conditioner!"

He/She was, "No. I didn't"

But clearly, _CLEARLY_, his hair smelled strawberry-honey fragrant clean.

Blind Bumble Bee Bastard.

Hah, I'm too good at this.

I really lack the required attention span to function efficiently, because my train thoughts distracted me, thus landing me, making me push some guy over, into a pile of clearance socks.

You would realize you've sunk into a whole new level of low, especially when you pushed a guy into a pile of ugly, clearance socks at Wal-Mart. _Seriously._

I helped him got up.

I think I've just lost half my soul.

"G—Gaara." My eyes crinkled as a creepy laughter erupted through my lips.

"S—Sorry there, didn't see you _there_, haha…haaa." My voice died down as I gulped.

His sea-foam eyes remained passive as his hands clutched onto a pair of Dora The Explorer socks.

"I—I see you got some socks there…you like… Dora?"

"…"

"I—I mean, you don't have to answer me, _really_, when you don't want to. I see I'm interrupting you sock shopping. Should I go? I should go, right? Right. Okay, see you next fall—"

"She understands me."

"W—What?"

"She understands me…Dora"

"I—I see."_ He has a thing for illegal immigrants eh?_

"Umm...I like Boots?"

"I hate Boots." Gaara deadpanned.

_Dear Spongebob, please bless this pink-haired, impure, soon-to-be-dead soul._

My eyes couldn't help but glance at the socks in his hand.

"Hey, wait. There's a string of loose seam on the bottom." Housewife mode activated.

I picked at it but it didn't seem to budge. Unconsciously, I took the pair of socks off his hands and lifted it into my own. I picked at it before it finally, _finally _flew off onto the tiled floor.

"There! Now, we don't have to worry about you tripping over that hazardous seam eh? Haha…"

Lame realization fell on me like a ton of bricks.

I dared sneak a look at his face.

Expressionless, black t-shirt, ripped jeans glory.

_Dying, my dead body.  
_

A once in a lifetime, not really smile curled onto his lips. I stood there, frozen from head to toe. I watched dumbfounded as he turned around completely and walked off to the cash register.

His red hair disappeared out of view after a swivel passed the bra racks.

_Did...DID HE JUST _SMILE_?_

I regained the sense of touch and immediately took the most appropriate action. I lifted both of my hands and placed them on my cheeks, an oval-shaped circle upon my mouth. After all the positions were in place...escaped an inaudible scream.

OH GOD. I'M GOING TO _DIE_.

**x**

**x**

I've been traumatized deeply, and it's only been a _week._

I'm going into complete denial though. Perhaps I'll forget them, like how the trauma patients are, block them out and eventually turn into a crazy.

I stood up, brushed off some dirt from my bum and stretched my arms. Irresistible yawns consumed me.

I paced closer to the ledge.

"Sakura-chan. Sakura-chan! _Sakura-chan!_ SAKURA-CHAN!"

Ugh, so noisy.

Rustling. Patting footsteps. Burst of an opened door behind me.

"Sakura-chan! Please DON'T JUMP!"

I slowly turned around. Confusion basked on top of me.

I. Did. WHAT. _NOW?_

I raised an eyebrow.

"Ahh—huh?" My most intelligible answer.

"Stay where you are Sakura-chan! I'll save you!"

Naruto.

Screaming.

Yelling.

Pointing accusingly.

Sasuke, Neji, Gaara, Shikamaru, and Sai…their eyes glued onto me alone.

Bloody Spongebob, did I commit a sin?

Ugh, _MIGRAINE._

"P—Please! I promise I won't ask you to cook me ramen anymore! Hey…I'll cook my own ramen! You'll like that wouldn't you? Yeah. YEAH! So, please, please, _please_ don't jump Sakura-chan!"

"Sakura. Come down." Sasuke. My urge to give him the middle finger never ceased.

Gaara took a step forward before Naruto's voice halted him. "Gaara! Don't scare her like she already is!"

"I'd say she should jump, what a view."

"Sai, go lay in a ditch!"

"Only if _you_ join me, Naruto."

"What a troublesome pair..."

"Go get laid Shikamaru. You need one."

"You guys bring shame to the 21st century, you've realized that right?"

"Shut up, Tran-sy."

"_What_ did you call me?"

"T-R-A-N-HYPTHEN—"

I scratched my head.

"OH MY GOD! SAKURA-CHAN! _DON'T JUMP!_" Naruto screamed.

I yawned.

"Pleeeeease Sakura-chan! Come down!" Naruto whined.

I shook my left leg, swishing the numbness away.

"Ahhhhhh! Ahh! Stop it! Okay! Okay! I promise Sakura-chan! I'll stop taking pictures of you in your sleep!"

My eyes widen, as did the others.

The blonde was oblivious, typical Naruto behaviour.

"I swear to Santa Claus and Rudolph and all those Nickelodeon gods and goddesses it's true! So I beg you, don't jump!"

Ohhh, they thought I was going to _jump_.

I looked around, skimming through the empty roof on top of our dorm. Pile of bird poop here and there, otherwise peaceful...except for the newly added collection of Happy Tree Friends.

Chya. Yeah _right_. As if.

Like I said, I hate life; but that doesn't mean I won't live it.

I'll endure until the very end.

"I'm not—"

"OKAY! I GIVE! I GIVE! You don't have to do chores anymore Sakura-chan!"

"Naruto." Neji warned.

"You're one of us right? Family! We're _family_. Family doesn't order anyone around! We're frickin' family! Ohana yes? And an Ohana doesn't leave anyone behind! Deal? DEAL! So pleeeeeease…" Blobby tears streamed down his face. "…Come down!!"

I inwardly smirked. Must as well, _right_? He was so desperate; he even quoted Lilo from Lilo & Stitch.

I shrugged. "Okay." I chirped happily and hopped off the ledge, strutted pass them, down the roof stairs, back into our dorm.

The men gaped on.

"..."

"That…" Naruto began.

"…Was fast." Naruto ended.

"Troublesome…she wasn't even going to jump."

"You guy just got own." Sai commented nonchalantly, smile still in place.

The silent three remained…silent.

I hummed joyfully, a sense of accomplishment flooded through me. I enjoy sorting my thoughts in high places. It's a habit. Can't help it. You'll never know when one day, Kim Possible will need a new assistant to back her up on a helicopter luau.

I grinned.

Oh well, at least I got something out of it.

-

-

* * *

**DOO! DO! DEE!** _Extra_ Stor-_ee_!  
Deux.

* * *

-

-

As all went off to hunt down a supposedly suicidal Sakura, the real suicidal Kiba felt ignored.

"Tch. I'll _show_ them."

He raised his left foot and stepped onto the dorm's patio. His other foot followed, robotically.

"Akamaru…" A hushed whisper, tear droplets smudged his vision.

And he fell.

No screams.

No nothing.

Pure void.

In a matter of milliseconds, he landed on something familiarly soft. More precisely, his lips landed on something familiarly soft…and familiarly fluffy? No, more like familiarly _furry_.

He opened his tear-stained eyes.

A wave of deja vu rushed through him.

He was kissing _the cat! _(Again.)

A soft growl breathed behind him.

He craned his neck to look behind his shoulder, wiping the disgusting taste of fish off his lips. Kiba's eyes widened immensely, jaws dropping in mortification x2.

There was Akamaru, pissed off until the end of time.

Kiba looked back down to the same feline. They were in quite a _suggestive_ position once more. Kiba's hands were planted on both sides of the cat's face, his whole body hovering over it like last time.

The cat winked at him, suggestively.

"Aw, _hell_."

**x**

**x**

* * *

**Authors Note:**

Because when one wants to start a play, one must lay out the props. I had to rewrite this chapter _so many times._ And yeah, the beginning isn't a reference to Sakura. No, I don't really like Karin. But you know? Love ain't easy, and I laugh.

& Review please. (:

! _**K**_at.

P.S. Don't forget to check out my new story; _Metropolis_ and my latest oneshot; _the best things in life come in pairs_!


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